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IPA: /tʁwɑ.niks/ || Space-opera medieval musician, self-backing vocalist, visual artist, wordsmith. I feel the drum in my body and soul.

Annette Singh @Troisnyx

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Lancashire, UK

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Troisnyx's News

Posted by Troisnyx - 3 weeks ago


This is a filler post while the loose ends of both the NGAP Audio Drama and Cosmocrystal II Side Red are being tied up. To update, the NGAP Audio Drama is missing a few lines both spoken and sung, so it's on its way to assembly / production after that point. Cosmocrystal II Side Red is on its way as well; there have been whisperings about it on Twitter and anywhere else where there are groups of Hymmnos and Ar tonelico enthusiasts.

But there is a big announcement in this post, so listen up!

So, remember this post I wrote some time back where I said that I did a vocal version of @Phyrnna's A Breeze From Home that is going into Epic Battle Fantasy 5?

 

EBF5's soundtrack is out! And the vocal version of A Breeze From Home with it!

 

Please lend as much support as you can to the game and its music! And if you do find vocal!A Breeze From Home in the game when it is released, or find it upon purchasing the OST, do let Phy and/or me know what you think about it. I did this nonprofit and the track being done is reward enough for me at this point.

 


 

So bit of a segue here, the title of this post alludes to the instruments that have in recent times become part of the family of sorts. Seán and I have gathered these over the months / years, and I want to start with the most relevant to A Breeze From Home first.

 

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This is a cherry red Epiphone Les Paul Special, vintage edition, for those who do not recognise it by its trademark shape and colour. This is the very same guitar I used to pick the chords for A Breeze From Home. Sadly, Seán's camera had a flash on and the actual red is lighter than it should appear -- it's a darn sight deeper than this. Anyway -- with what little muscle memory I had I recorded the entire guitar sequence of A Breeze From Home on this, before then layering it with a MIDI guitar track.

In all seriousness though, I have played this as though it were an acoustic guitar (at least most of the time).

 

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This is a mandolin. Doesn't look like one, does it? Looks like some Frankenstein's creation.

It's actually a Fender FM-61SE SB. Some people informally call it the 'Mandocaster' but uh, that's besides the point. It has an F-hole, goodness knows why, and it's electric. I am looking forward to using this in recordings, especially for doujin circle stuff. This is a gift from a friend of mine.

I've picked up a fair few chords on it since it had been gifted to me, and Seán is not doing too shabbily on it himself. He's found another instrument that he can pick up and enjoy.

 

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This tambourine isn't new. You'll have seen it in the latter half of the music video to Mio/Homu when I announced it last year. However, it was headless for a while.

It originally had a head. Seán restored it to its former glory a few months ago, using an old bodhrán skin and some thumbtacks. I remember finding it with a head that was about to rip itself off, and it sounded decent then. Now, it sounds positively deep and sensuous. Expect to hear it in more doujin-related recordings -- I cannot say much about my solo stuff yet.

 

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The second of the two tambourines I now have; this one has hand-hammered brass cymbals. It sounds like a cross between a tambourine and a rattle; it feels that ancient. The skin is also smooth, translucent even. I will be using this one A LOT in future.

 

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And last but not least, Seán's baritone ukulele. He uses this more than I; I have one that plugs into an amp that I use for recording and performance. Occasionally I have a go on this one, but he feels more comfortable with the bigger frets and the deeper, less tinny sound compared to most ukuleles.

So, there we are. That's my filler update for now. How have you all been?


5

Posted by Troisnyx - September 24th, 2018


So yesterday through the streets of Preston this procession thing happened. It's the Lancashire Encounter, an event which takes place annually, but a procession through the streets takes place once every two years.

And I've been drumming.

 

 

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I am the snare drummer on the left side of the "tank" -- and that tank was an ingenious idea by the way, it was an electric wheelchair turned into a tank. Are Soundskills turning more and more into Newgrounds????

There were loads of contingents from different volunteer groups, leisure groups and organisations all dressed in red -- because this year's theme was the Red Dream Parade -- and we basically did this thing. Preston is a small city and for something like this to happen on a small budget is pretty impressive to say the least.

I joined my friends at Soundskills, the community centre near me, in our own contingent for this. We dressed as 'futuristic natives,' hence the strange getup that was actually made from scratch, along with the "tank," and various other props. Preparation for this must've taken at least a couple months, and we pulled out all the stops we could pull, notwithstanding laxity, low budget, people living under a rock for several months and not hearing about the event till the last minute, etc.

Here, some more pictures.

 

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One of the surdos. I drew that myself.

 

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More outlandishly decorated drums.

 

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The tank up close.

 

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This was from well before we set off. I'd painted my own face -- because what is Troisnyx without a triquetra somewhere? The red clothes were actually made from scratch by a fair few people who took to the sewing machines in the weeks before the parade. Because of my appearance, Seán, the fiancé, called me a "ladybug." I found it quite affectionate. ^_^

Sadly, he was too ill to join the audience that day.

 

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A group picture of us when the parade was over. Our final stop was Winckley Square. This is a press photo, and it's been made public over Twitter and (presumably) BlogPreston, to my knowledge. I am the one on the right, at the back, holding the drumsticks. Most of us had already disrobed by then and were wearing black shirts or jumpers underneath our red clothes.

 

There's loads more where this came from, if one should search Red Dream Parade on Twitter. I'd taken part in a similar event two years ago, called the Procession of Light, and while this one is smaller than the Procession of Light, I still thoroughly enjoyed our part in that procession -- the drumming especially. So yeah, that was my Sunday afternoon. I returned home to Seán and immediately shared everything I felt and saw and heard from that day, whatever I could source anyway. He felt gutted that he couldn't make it, but it's not his fault, I certainly don't blame him. I'm just glad that I could share all of this with him.

Anyway, how have you all been?


6

Posted by Troisnyx - August 3rd, 2018


So, over the last few months, at @Phyrnna's request, I did this -- click image below to hear the teaser!

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This is the secret song that I'd been alluding to for quite a while, and I am extremely humbled and pleased and grateful all at once to say that it is now going to feature in Epic Battle Fantasy 5!!

As I mentioned in the song's description, I did it as a labour of love. Those who know my situation know I'm nonprofit at the moment -- and that being said, doing the song was reward enough for me.

This is huge news. I'm well aware of what this is. I sincerely hope that I can keep up the work that I do. Thanks to Matt and Phy for granting me this opportunity, and to the rest -- thanks for being there with me. I've had a lot of mental trauma to deal with lately and this has been welcome news. I am eternally grateful.


7

Posted by Troisnyx - July 9th, 2018


You'll hear it soon.

Long story short, I have finished it and the result almost moved me to tears.

I don't doubt there are among you who would likely ask me, hold up, what is this song about? -- well, I can't say yet what this song is about, or what it's for. I can tease that it is very much linked with a certain series of games here on Newgrounds that has received quite the intense following. That is all I will say for now on the matter.

 


 

Meanwhile, the progress on my other songs and things: The gig from early last month went spectacularly!

One of two Hymmnos songs that I have written for A Reyvateil's Melody is finished; I have begun recording voices on the other.

I can't really do much of an update because I intend the next post to be chock-full of content. First of all, I'll announce the secret song, then I'll put piccies of the gig that the fiancé took, then I'll share a crossfade of the finished versions of the songs that I've written for ARM. I'm still going to take some time yet.

All I can say is, for the past month or so I felt like I was drowning in music projects. And now, I'm only about ankle-deep. The tides have receded. Just one song left before I can finally concentrate on solo projects, audio drama, and continue reworking troisnyx.co.uk. I will indeed be happy once the pressure around me is released. Seán has been with me every step of the way and I cannot tell him enough how much I love him, especially when I find myself overcome by the amount of things I need to do.


3

Posted by Troisnyx - May 23rd, 2018


Writing this not only as a means of informing people, but also as a means of keeping myself on track. There are many things that I need finished or would like to see finished, but I think I'll narrow it down to a few.

  • To begin, I have mentioned Cosmocrystal II in a previous newspost of mine. Ocurp Omnis, the teaser / work in progress for which is on Newgrounds, is now FINISHED. I still have two more tracks to write for this doujin album. And for one of these, which I am working on now, called FLOW_CRAYNELSPHERE/., I am channelling the likes of Queen and Billy Joel. Last year I thought MioHomu was my magnum opus. It's likely that Craynelsphere might surpass it. Both of these need doing by July.

 

  • I am in a band, called The Just Numbers. I play drums and ukulele and do backing vocals, though it does appear that I may be playing more things as time passes. It's a three-piece band, doing classic rock and blues and things along these lines. Mainly originals. My role in the band is strictly nonprofit, I'm not earning a penny out of this. Any proceeds will be split between the bassist and the guitarist. Some of you may have heard said guitarist's work before -- he's a friend of mine, and his name's Greg Slater. If you haven't heard Somewhere Out There, there he is playing his heart out on that guitar of his while I am hesitant playing drums in said track, because that would be the first time I've ever recorded a drum kit in my entire life. Our first gig is on Friday, 8 June.  If you are in Preston, or in the Northwest and are able to make it to Preston and want to come see, feel absolutely free! Details on The Just Numbers' Twitter page.

 

  • I have one solo song in the works. When I say 'solo,' I don't mean it strictly. I mean, this is all going to be me again, even if I'm self-backing. Those of you who are subscribed to my YouTube page would probably know of a song called Street Lights, the short version of which I performed at an open mic once. I have finished the instrumental backing to this song but I will only return to it once I have finished everything related to Cosmocrystal II.

 

  • Once all this is done, I intend to rework and remaster most of my vocal tracks.

 

That's what I see myself doing in the near future, I guess. So all that's going on. Apologies if you haven't heard much from me; I guess I've really been buried chest-deep in it and I am slowly working my way out.

 


 

Subscriptions: @Mich @ADR3-N @Akuaitance @ChazDude @RealFaction @BraydogNG @Cyberdevil


5

Posted by Troisnyx - May 10th, 2018


Speaking as someone who grew up in a very repressive Malaysia where one party has held the reins for getting on 60 years, since the creation of the country:

The place of my birth now has a new government, a new party, but an old face, and I'm not really having a good feeling about this at all.

So first off, I'd like to start by putting into a bulleted list, what the news outlets have to say about this whole matter:

 


 

So naturally, one wonders, whoopee! Change has come! Malaysia has its first hung parliament! What next? Thing is, considering Mahathir Mohamad's track record, I have my misgivings.

For starters, I remember him being Prime Minister when I was a child. Specifically, all the way up till I was 11. At that time already, he was the longest-serving Prime Minister in the history of the country. To his credit, he did modernise the country and bring in information technology -- a little late, considering most of the developed world had it in the 70s and 80s and we were playing catch-up in 1995, when it was introduced to us. However, he perpetuated some pretty horrible things, including the awful Malaysian human rights record. He brought with his reign sentiments of Malay dominance over all the other ethnic groups, just like a fair few of his predecessors and a fair few people who replaced him.

And, most notably, he imprisoned his then deputy, Anwar Ibrahim, on fabricated charges of sodomy, charges that would be repeated in the last decade as well -- in a country where male homosexuality is illegal, but female homosexuality is perfectly fine. Don't fucking ask me why. Many people around me, particularly in the cities, saw this as unjust and perhaps a perfect way to get rid of one's enemies within the party. But there were still many more others who swallowed the lies and believed, at face value, that all of this was true. Needless to say, this leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

On top of that, Mahathir Mohamad, in the 1980s, came up with a scheme of sorts called Wawasan 2020, or Vision 2020 -- a plan to make Malaysia on par with the developed West and East by the year 2020. Many people over there may have forgotten about it, but I certainly haven't. Well into my primary school years I and hundreds of other schoolmates were singing patriotic songs about Vision 2020 in our school assemblies. I remember, I was the fucking pianist for these songs. The news reports that I mentioned above allude to Mahathir's comments that he will step down after two years. If you ask me, I imagine that it's because he still remembers Vision 2020, pardon the cheesy name -- and that if it doesn't come true, it's not only Najib Razak with his corruption who'll be a laughing-stock. Mahathir himself would be a laughing-stock as well. Mahathir wants to avoid that.

But honestly, what drastic change can be done in two years without its immense share of problems?

I mean, come on. I am in Britain now and I love this country with all my heart, but Britain already has its problems; we're in what people describe as a constitutional crisis. Our brethren in the US... well, we hear enough problems in that country every day because of the President-made-of-cotton-candy-and-clown-pubes. And back when I was in Malaysia, many of us who were fed with information about Vision 2020 were fed also with the naive thought that we would have no more problems to deal with, we'd be a technological, prosperous paradise. I do not know if that naiveté still lingers on in the hearts and minds of the Malaysian people, and for their sake, I sincerely hope not. I sincerely hope that they realise that they're going to be faced with these problems  throughout their history and they have to take responsibility, and be accountable for these things.

I must also mention perhaps the most important thing of all that is filling me with unease.

The last time an opposition party took a lot of seats, it was in the 1960s. Immediately, goaded by political bigotry and hatred, a bloodbath happened that took the lives of very many people, predominantly from minorities. That came to be known as the 13 May 1969 Incident. Now, I am all for change if it is really heartfelt, and properly followed through -- but a lot of people tend to pay lip-service to that change. I remember that throughout my school years, propaganda about the 13 May 1969 Incident was consistently hammered into our heads. We were made to live in fear that if we elected anyone apart from the ruling government, something like this would happen again. We had to at least maintain a surface relation of harmony between all the ethnic groups -- fuck all the problems that happen beneath the scenes -- so that something like this doesn't happen and so that the status quo could be preserved. Now forgive me for my cynicism; I sincerely hope that it doesn't lead to something like this but what are the odds that Barisan National, or its component parties, won't go kicking and screaming throughout Mahathir Mohamad's new term? Or worse yet: what if they don't, because they're subjected to the same repression that we all knew in decades past?

Will many people be able to talk about their fears without prejudice? Will people be able to protest freely without tear gas and violence given to them? Will the Foreign Office here in Britain finally lift the warning to avoid centres in cities where protests are going on?

Will the sunset clause on majority rights for the Malay people finally be put in place, which has not been put in place since 1957, the independence of that country? Will it finally say, "until such time that there is economic parity between all the ethnic groups"?

Or will their legacy be one of a technological autocracy? Will people try to perpetuate the dominance of one ethnicity over all the others, like all the almost fascist rhetoric of "Malay lordship" or ketuanan Melayu that was propounded in the last decade?

I am still simmering with memories of what had been inflicted on me during my time in that country. I have nightmares of it in my sleep; they've happened nearly every night now. So naturally, I take a massive change like this with extreme caution, because I've known that country to be volatile in the past.


5

Posted by Troisnyx - April 18th, 2018


To begin, I told my fiancé Seán (who had begged me to write something for months on end) that I'd write something once I reached 700 fans. That day is finally here, and follower number 700 is @Cyberdevil. Thank you for all the support ;_;

I'd been mentally shot for a long time, and past newsposts can explain why.

 


 

My birthday fell on the 12th, and it was a good one. An intimate party with Seán and six other friends in the house, having pizza and playing Cards Against Humanity. Outside of the chocolates and alcohol that I received, I also got a project book, a small case of art supplies, and a toy bow and arrows! (Adult-sized, of course, and with rubber tips on the arrows. Still gotta handle with caution.)

I'll be using the project book for music video projects and anything of a large scale. Speaking of music videos, there is one I'm planning right now. #ReReveris

I am also in the midst of reworking https://troisnyx.co.uk/ -- so you likely won't see any updates from there for a while yet. Those of you who have been following the progress on my Discord server and in other chats will have noticed that I've been drawing and trying to figure out what the new layout should look like. I've been heavily at work of late -- just unable to express it all in words, and it's been hard to write this post because of all the ideas swimming in my head.

Here, have a teaser of what it might hopefully look like. Yes, I use Wix. I don't think it's any secret, really.

 

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Now, on to Newgrounds-related stuff.

First:

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The Newgrounds Audio Portal 15th Anniversary drama is plodding along; the music is coming along reasonably well for people mostly stuck with exams. The voice actors for Pico, Nene and Darnell have been confirmed -- namely @Raayo, @jessieyun0404 and @RealFaction. Work has begun on the voice acting.

The person chairing this project -- @Whirlguy -- and I, we both have been keeping track on all the workings of the project. Jessie Yun is still casting minor roles, if I recall correctly. @SourJovis is ironing out inconsistencies in the otherwise finished script, and I have been doing my best to assign music to people according to the script.

There are meant to be four episodes of the audio drama, each lasting about 40 or so minutes long. Hopefully, all being well, Act 1 should be up around the time of Pico Day. We'll release the others periodically thereafter.

OH BY THE WAY: Are there any female voice actors out there who can pull off, or have a native British or Irish or continental European accent? We are looking for one female VA with any of these accents to join us!

 

Second, moderating.

With everything that I've been involved in, moderating has slowed down for me. I do occasionally see the flags and remove what's on there, and sometimes I've been proactive and looked for tags containing potentially offending songs (e.g. NCS, Daft Punk) in the search bar. But of course, my priorities at the moment to go my bigger projects. One of them is the audio drama I spoke of above. The other is right below.

 


 

I have been taking part in a doujin circle called A Reyvateil's Melody. Which has something to do with the Hymmnos language from the Ar tonelico games.

Yes, after seven years of not touching Hymmnos and Ar tonelico with the end of a barge pole, I got drawn into it; I was actually invited into the group in January this year after its members had watched the Mio/Homura music video.

Now they're quite new to the scene if I remember this correctly, and the last thing they did was called COSMOCRYSTAL II ~ clalliss re leat, maya re pat - 奏響濫色 (Soukyou Ransyoku). The kanji has multiple meanings, but one of its sounds means 'reflective indigo'. Among Hymmnos circles we call this 'Side Blue' because through all the games, the soundtracks have been released in two halves with separate themes, Side Blue and Side Red.

I had no involvement in Side Blue, but the crossfade of what they've released so far is below.


I will, however, have involvement in Side Red -- I have composed, and am in the midst of recording the opening track to Side Red. It's called Ocurp Omnis, which in the Hymmnos language means 'the flow of everything.' You can hear a short, relatively unmixed preview of it here.

A Reyvateil's Melody are completely nonprofit. None of us individuals earn a penny from the distribution of this. Any and all sales are basically handled by our publicist in Japan, and all doujin creations basically get distributed at Comic Markets (or Comikets for short; you may have heard about those). They take place in a few parts of Japan and happen during the summer and the winter. We're hoping to get Side Red of COSMOCRYSTAL II distributed at the Summer Comiket. All the proceeds basically go into a kitty that allow us to produce more -- and again, the publicist handles the funds altogether. As for the rest of us? We do it for love of the music.

I do have one thing to say about the doujin culture: only in Japan will you get people making comics, whether for profit or otherwise, about Batman fighting Godzilla, and none of them will be slapped with a takedown request, DMCA, or any of that shit. Doujin is like self-publishing, but with a lot more respect attached to it -- and there's an immense grassroots movement for indie support. Doujin is either original or parody under Japanese laws, and this enables it to flourish. Look up "Comic Market" on Wikipedia and you'll realise just how immense the gatherings are; that's how much they're supported. If something like that were to happen in the West, it'd be slapped down immediately -- unless, of course, there's a big enough lobby that supports something like this and gets it going and makes it an annual thing.

And for the part of A Reyvateil's Melody, we're quite new on the scene, having been only active for... is it two years? three years? and there's at least 1,000 Japanese fans, to say nothing about the scant few international fans scattered in different parts of the world. It's mind-boggling that we got that kind of support that quickly.

 


 

With regards to other things, like Une Nouvelle Chance, those are coming along. We're just having trouble mixing them. But hopefully, we should see some results by the summer!

I also have a few original things planned, but will go into them in more detail after some of the pressure has been taken off my shoulders.

Anyway, that's it from me for now. How have you all been?

 

Subscriptions: @Mich @ADR3-N @Akuaitance @ChazDude @RealFaction @BraydogNG @Cyberdevil


7

Posted by Troisnyx - January 23rd, 2018


First of all, happy Pixel Day. Apologies for not being able to post anything for the event; in between the events of this newspost and my mic going absolutely kaput (yes, the Blue Snowball's packed in now), I've not yet been able to finish anything. Not yet.

But, dun dun dun duuuunnnn....

 



 

 

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UNE NOUVELLE CHANCE IS GETTING A REMAKE!!!

 

By the way, I painstakingly made the cover image for this song on PowerPoint (yes) after the original was done for Pixel Day with MS Paint. The new cover for this song is now something I'm quite proud of. There's hints of the vintage in there, and you may soon hear why.

Those of you who remember the inaugural Pixel Day will remember that I took part in the music and art competitions. I didn't place for art, but I placed second in the music competition with Une Nouvelle Chance. Now, I am in the midst of working on it with several friends at Soundskills. One of our friends (you'll remember the name, Greg Slater) put down a sweet, sweet guitar to complement the 8-bit goodness that I made sure to keep in the remade track. I had to transpose it down a few keys to be able to sing it, and for it to have enough impact.

This link will take you to a progress upload, meaning an unfinished version, of the remake of Une Nouvelle Chance. Now, I've advanced since then, having recorded proper vocals and a preliminary drum track. The vocals were recorded over the course of yesterday. Our mixer, Jason Beardsworth, is probably going to put down bass on this and then shred some rhythm guitar on this. The idea is that the final track should be loud, powerful and fat.

I'd only shared it with a few people before, but I think it's time I shared it with everyone who enjoys pixels and things. It's not a participation per se, but it's a remake of a participation of mine from years past.

 


 

Subscriptions: @Mich @ADR3-N @Akuaitance @ChazDude @RealFaction @BraydogNG

 


Posted by Troisnyx - January 22nd, 2018


Seán believes in me, so I will believe in him. He wants me to not give up my solo work even if I feel I have to put a moratorium on things. No. That's not the way for me to live, of course, just putting a halt to everything because of whatever trauma is there.

The next song to be posted here will be another little project for the indie game in development hell, Song of the Firefly. I got in touch with @Hoeloe and another of his teammates last night and told them about it, and I also mentioned that I'd drawn some fanart for the project, which I will scan in due course and hopefully, with some pointers here and there, turn it into a PV for YouTube. While Hoeloe and co. work on smaller projects to raise funds for Song of the Firefly, I will wait patiently and carry out my New Year's plans of singing songs related to this game, songs that I've put off for years on end.

Seán and I are still fighting, and together we will emerge victorious. Of that, I have little doubt. No draconian law in the universe will stop us.


Posted by Troisnyx - December 23rd, 2017


So in two hours it'll be Christmas Eve, and I normally do my Christmas update on Christmas Eve, but I'm going to have a very long day ahead of me tomorrow. I'll have three Masses to sing or play at in 24 hours, and that's just the start of it.

 


 

The most important recent development is that Seán, my fiancé, started a petition on my behalf, which seems to have done a little more than just smoulder. After suffering the incompetence of the Home Office multiple times over the last few years, Seán had had enough. (Well, so did I, but I was actually terrified of said petition. I put up a newspost about it on NG earlier but I didn't dare put it on the front page, and if I signalled people to it, I did so via private message because it was so hard for me to talk about it.)

But now, I shouldn't be afraid anymore. This thing is going FP.

And the news that really made it start to feel like Christmas for me was that I received a letter from one of the canons of the Archbishop of York (yes, John Sentamu, the one who famously cut up his collar upon hearing of Mugabe's abuses, and wore it back when Mugabe resigned). It looks like the Archbishop's going to write on my behalf.

The news came to me as a pleasant surprise, and I'm just grateful.

 


 

Over the last four weeks or so, the Soundskills people and I worked on a Christmas parody song, called Another Flippin' Christmas Song. I discovered today that the song's been frontpaged, and it put a little smile on my face. Thanks to whoever did this.

Suffering Home Office incompetence this month made it even harder for me to finish recording said song, but we all persevered. Seán is determined to not have me give up on my solo works at all, even if I feel like due to my dwindling mental health I've had to put a moratorium on solo works for the time being.

 


 

This year had one major project which went successfully, that is to say, that of Mio/Homura EXTEND ver. and its associated music video.

It would not have come to fruition were it not for Seán begging me, over the last few years, to revisit this. Past newsposts of mine reveal all the emotions I went through prior to the release of this song, and the positivity it brought when the video was finished.

This year also saw Seán and me move into our new home together. It has been a blessing for us to be together all the time, as opposed to families and major illnesses tearing us apart.

 


 

But otherwise, this entire year was a shit year. My mental health's worsened, Seán's physical health has worsened, I have been plagued by nightmares in my sleep nearly every night this year, and have been fucked around by bureaucracy in spite of having nothing to hide with regards to my past trauma and my engagement to Seán. I've had people happily assume that I'm something I'm not, over the course of this entire year, that I'm somehow making my past up.

I wish I made my past up. I wish I did, so that I don't have to bother people with these bad news stories that cannot escape my mind. I had an abusive family, I grew up in an abusive state, and I still reel from it every single day, with the memories and nightmares coming back to me unbidden. On many occasions I'd wanted to kill myself, and nearly did so multiple times too, because I was very much crushed, and I still don't know what justifies this sorry excuse of a life, or even its search for freedom and vindication. The only person keeping me alive right now is Seán, and he is also the person driving my creativity forward where I cannot do so on my own.

And as if it isn't bad enough that I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, Seán did not recover the Mio/Homura dress when he moved out of his old place and now it's gone forever. There has been so much confusion and I'm fucking sick of it.

I wish for none of this to happen to anyone, not even to Seán. So to those of you who have indeed had a shit year, the least I can give right now is a virtual hug, and a shoulder to cry on. This is the one gift I think I can give NG this Christmas.

Now I'd best end this post, because I'm up early for the 4th Sunday of Advent Mass tomorrow, and I will be drumming again for the Christmas Vigil Mass in the evening. I hope Christmastide treats you all as kindly as it possibly can this year, and I hope that the new year shall bring hope. But even am doubtful of that.