- Age / Gender:
- 23, Female
- Lancashire, England
- All Stats >
Pronounced 'TRWA-nix.' Musician, writer and visual artist. Especially known for the obstinate bodhrán.
- Community Stats
Level 16 Musician
Ranked as Police Lieutenant
The last piece of music I submitted on NG had a great show of apathy from many whom I hold in high regard and consider friends. I've also noticed that over the last few months, comments on my posts have greatly decreased.
I feel greatly disillusioned with my talents... no, let me rephrase that. At times I feel sick, tired, DONE with this, I feel as if I am throwing my music to a blooming brick wall! I am at the point of resolving never to compose or draw ever again. At times I have relented upon being given encouragement from those dear to me, but the hurt just comes back.
And I asked for prayers and/or good thoughts for my fiancé's mother, who has been diagnosed with cancer, in the last post, only to have no response on the matter.
I do not ask to be famous. I only ask to have support from my friends -- which, over these last few months, has been sorely lacking -- except for a few kind-hearted souls, you know who you are.
I accept that I bowed out of the Deathmatch fairly -- but some posters (some of whom I consider my friends) lavished a huge amount of praise on the opponents saying "Go and crush your competitor(s)!" I was crushed alright -- the day I got the results was also the day my fiancé's mother got her diagnosis.
Three weeks of sodding hard work and dedication, to be slapped on the face with precisely this? Safe to say, I don't believe hard work even brings reward anymore. In fact: I am now of the view that hard work is only going to get trampled on.
And in addition, I felt that some people on the contest threads were behaving like actual smug gits. Perhaps they didn't intend to, but to me, they came across as such. I mean no ill-will to anyone, and I will gladly reconcile -- but I do feel a great hurt, one that is unable to heal. I have prayed hard to be able to forgive people for the hurt they've caused, albeit unintentionally. Safe to say, I am not at my best right now.
I have been known to suffer with serious bouts of depression at times, and my fiancé says I have an artist's mentality, comparing me to Van Gogh and others (although, I wouldn't take the liberty of comparing myself to him, since he did great work and I, well, don't.) Seán keeps trying to encourage me -- at times he succeeds, and at times he has to wrench a knife or a pair of scissors out of my hands.
The reasons for these bouts are known to only a few; I feel unable to share them with the majority of people. My life is still very uncertain at this time.
If anyone cares anymore, then please pray or send good thoughts my way that this depression lifts.
Recent Game Medals
Total Medals Earned: 1,742 (From 272 different games.)