Confidence, and other stories

I've gained a little confidence to play the harp publicly, although I probably will need more practice with it if my repertoire is to be as varied as I'd like it to be. But I've become comfortable with Síle, as I like to call my harp. Confidence has not been an easy thing to build for me altogether... as evidenced by my reactions to various things on Newgrounds and elsewhere.

Just thought I'd share this quick picture that Seán took of me when I was playing the harp in his room -- I was playing as a form of prayer, playing hymns that I knew how to sing. Incidentally, at the time he took this picture, the sun was setting.

I hope the time will come when I may be able to bring Síle to live performances, open mics and whatever, and share some improvs with you all.

In other news.... I've received dates for my asylum appeal quite a while back; I just didn't find any reason to write about them till now. Case management is set for 17 June, and the full hearing is set for 1 July. I am scared for my life (to be fair, I always have been scared for my life, but I have even more reason to be, at this point in my life).

I pray not only for success in this hearing, but also that I may heal from everything I've been put through, and that this period in my life (as well as much of my past) may one day be nothing more than a distant memory, a demon successfully exorcised.

My mind is in absolute turmoil, and those closest to me have had to deal with my many panic attacks and all sorts of trouble coming from me. Please pray for me, and/or send me some good thoughts. They'll be much appreciated.

Comments

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Ciullo-Corporation 2015-05-04 16:45:12

Hope everything will solve for the best

Troisnyx 2015-05-04 16:45:12

Thanks, mates. I hope so too...

kkots 2015-05-04 18:07:23

Just don't think. Look at dumb people - they never think and they are never worried about problems. If there's a complex task ahead of you, you only need to repeat several times the things you're supposed to do. When the time comes, your memory will provide you all the needed tips automatically. And if you overstress yourself, you'll be more likely to fail. Relax and do something else. Maybe keep a journal so as not to forget the small parts.

saucybird 2015-05-04 18:30:41

i've had to deal with panic attacks too, they ain't fun at all. i'm sorry you gotta deal with all of this :( it doesn't sound ideal, but that's cool you're playing publicly! i've always thought harp was one of the prettiest instruments because of how it looks and sounds c:

Blue-SilverDragon 2015-05-04 21:30:40

Good luck with this. I hope that the hearing is fruitful.

Fantastick 2015-05-05 04:17:41

I WILL PRAY.
PRAY, I WILL.
PRAY.
BILL.

Eagleon 2015-05-06 12:57:15

Have you ever tried busking? Playing for tips outdoors might help boost confidence a little - your crowd is constantly shifting because almost everyone has somewhere to be, so you never have to worry too much about holding an audience. Harpists are so rare, I'm sure you'd do fine, especially if you can find some accompaniment to carry through mistakes from nerves.

Troisnyx 2015-05-06 12:57:15

I might consider this for when this case is settled. I have considered it....... don't know if I could pull it off though. Also considering open mics; there are two places in Preston that actually do them, and I thought I'd like to be part of the scene. Normally I carry my mistakes from accompanying instruments pretty decently -- it's just that, when you have a single line of music to play (i.e. with melody or percussion), the mistakes become more apparent. And you know how much of a drum freak I can be sometimes. ^_^'

There's also a local radio station (it was formerly simply known as Preston FM; now it's City Beat) and they've asked if anyone could come to them and submit demo CDs. I'd be glad to submit mine.