If you claim to give me uncomfortable truth, then allow me to give you a piece of uncomfortable truth as well.
The animation, the typography, is well done. Maybe not as dynamic as RicePirate's 'Dot Dot Dot', but still clear, and eye-popping, and sombre for the tone of the actual thing.
I will thank you for the truth of Confucius having tried to right wrongs in the people around him, I will thank you for that. I will thank you for pointing out the inner 'comfortable' nature that we tend to slink into as persons.
Aside from that, it gets into some pretty incoherent rambling. I could make neither head or tail of the structure apart from a few glimpses into the subject matter. It changed so quickly between moments. I only got a few sections staying in my head: Confucius' death, governments claiming to be one thing but doing another, people being comfortable, and 'fuck you'. All that didn't even make sense when put together, of course, because there are meant to be things that join them, but they were joined so loosely.
Plus, it fails to take into account:
1) Confucius may have been a good man for his time, but there are many principles of his that are unconscionable in our modern understanding. For example, North Korea is basically a dictatorship BASED ON Confucian thought, and at the helm of it is a complete subordination to one's parents, because you don't choose your parents. That same logic basically causes the Kims to stay in power. That sort of logic, applied in a lesser extent, causes children to not be their own persons and I have had friends who were subjected to that sort of logic, obviously for worse. It justified all sorts of abuse in the name of parents being the 'bosses'. You aren't meant to speak out if they do wrong, because they're your parents -- and that's the long and short of it. And yet, what justifies Confucius saying 'obey your parents like that' and then, speaking out against his country and presumably the Emperor of China?
2) You forget the people who refuse to be comfortable, and go out of their way to make things better for people, only to get fired, murdered, or killed. You put a blanket blame on everyone without realising that some of the people watching... are *precisely* those people who got clandestinely fired, gotten rid of, abused, tortured. I speak as someone who grew up outside of the big G7 or G20 cities and experienced all this first-hand, who had publicly spoken out about things like this, and had to flee due to fear of what would happen to me.
I don't know if you're doing this to really make people better, or to just hurl blame at people for the sake of doing so. I cannot gauge your intention from just watching this. But the strawman in this video is so big, it's the elephant in the room.
Get the full extent of your facts right, and then maybe, just maybe, you'll be on to something at last.
Trite animation, trite humour. I know memes are meant to express what's going on in the here and the now but man, overused much?
That intro took way too long as well. It would have done a lot better if the animation was more lifelike, the music didn't so much determine how that boy was clenching his fist and putting the game into the console. I mean, if you're excited about a game, you wouldn't take that long to clench your fist while seated down like that, for example.
The video appeals to all of us who have submitted some content here worth something, indeed. Animation is fluid and gets the point across really well, and no voices were needed to convey it. Well done!
Music was a bit generic but to be fair, I think it *may* have been a good call doing so given the amount of musicians on here, I don't know.
Quite a neat little dress-up game, I guess -- though I'd appreciate lots more inserts and options; it just feels still a bit too cookie-cutter for the time being. Anyway, I did my best with what was there and came up with these:
General appearance of a member of a tribe that goes barefooted and unarmed. The creatures of the land of the dead do not touch them. They wear a deathly green, and their hair is black from coal and soot.
They all bear medieval English names, like Aldus and Kinborough and Randel and Tenny and Wybert.
In the case of 2,3,12,2,2,2,62,30,2,20,2,2
As the masks whiten and bleed, and as they temporarily gain the ability to levitate, they interpret it as an omen that one of their own, or someone who associated with them, will die soon. In many cases, it is true, though sometimes, the cause of death can be averted. When Matt and co. venture into the land of the dead, the masks whiten and bleed not for members of these people's tribe... but for Matt and co.
It's a 2048 clone, and quite an addictive one at that. Docked a star because of a bug that's gone uncorrected; any score above 20K causes the game to freeze. You can still submit scores, but you cannot make any moves as soon as you get a certain kind of monster associated with 20K scores.
It seems to be working fine.
A lot of what could make this game better, and more immersive, boils down to the aesthetics at the end of the day -- which I'm sure you're well aware of. The writing is quite good as it is. Though I'd like to pitch some suggestions for the next one, if you do another:
1) I'm not sure how well Twine takes to drawn backgrounds, avatars and music. But if you manage to find a way ahead with that, that would add to its immersiveness.
Which reminds me; Hyptosis also sometimes does text-based adventures, but I'm not sure what he uses, and if he's ever used Twine before. But considering he's done fantasy art for, and written, games similar to this, maybe ask him for pointers?
2) I know this is going to take multiple rolls based on the random die and the choices you make, but I was beginning to wonder if outside of all these, you could have a joke ending? As it stands, there are three options per query / question / impasse that you arrive at, which is alright to start with, but I could very well imagine that in a future game, you would have certain questions that have two simple Y / N answers (or two options just like that), and some that would have a myriad of options (perhaps up to six?), including the most stupid ones.
Fallout Shelter, believe it or not, has some really funny option choices in quests and that's partly where I'm coming from; the other part is from playing some text-based adventures here on NG. But at this moment in time, I felt that the options were a bit too straightforward: Best ending / Normal ending / Bad ending. For example, we have not yet got the gem that is the Dog Ending of Silent Hill 2, which, given the possibilities in a fantasy game, could very well happen. XD
I don't know how many endings you were planning in here, but hopefully this could pave the way for some really nice sequels to come.
Awesome, thank you very much for the advice! I will definitely look into backgrounds and music for future games and talk to Hyptosis about his games.
I agree I will definitely need to include a few more endings in future games. As for joke endings, did you unlock the secret room by proving your worth? The endings triggered in their aren't necessarily joke endings, but really just a collection of hilarious ways to kill the villain using odd-ball items.
Thanks again for playing and sharing your thoughts!!
I want to say real quick, thank you for doing this. <3
The strings are most certainly powerful in this case, and we don't feel like the vocals are drowning out the entire mix; already an improvement on the mix.
The drums could have started a bit more subtly (glitch?), but when they kick in at the chorus, it feels powerful. The choir also kicks in there, which feels nice. Do I hear timps as well?
I think my favourite part is like, near Verse 4 (before the second chorus), there's what I think is a timpani flourish + cymbals. Certainly built me up. Then the second chorus, oh my. And that harp at the end. <3
I agree with Syrupmasterz; this one sounds more triumphal than sombre, which I'm also pleased about. ^_^ This one sounds like a stage version as well, and of course due to the musicality of the original, it also feels like something that otherwise can be heard in a musical. But this one works just as well. I actually do love this. Thank you.
Aww you're welcome and thank you! :) I agree. I added timpani rolls throughout the track :) I'm glad you liked the harp. Aww I'm glad you love it! :D That means a lot <3 thank you! Would it be okay if I use this in my Venturescape series later on? And can i upload this to my youtube channel? Left you a message. :)
The beginning had a mighty ancient feel to it, but when the rest of the music kicked in with the electronic things, it gave me a Xenoblade Chronicles feel. I think the violin is actually identical, too, in terms of the sound patch used. Xenoblade Chronicles has one of my favourite OSTs so I am glad that you captured something of that feel, if only to my ears.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'm not familiar with the XenoChron OST, so I'll have to check it out. Thanks for the review!
There is something very lounge-y about it. A satisfying kind; you know I am a sucker for good chord progressions and you've done exactly that. It is singable too; I found myself actually almost singing the melody line that has appeared at least twice in this piece. I would happily listen to this toasting the summer goodbye -- it feels like a piece for the twilight in spite of its title.
Well done, Lucid. And just a final note on the sound quality, it didn't sound too choppy to me, or particularly harsh. It felt like a mellow-ish, beautiful thing that you'd play in the living room, which is probably one of my favourite sort of ambiences. So, no worries there. ^_-
I can kinda see what you mean with lounge-y, since it's a pretty rhythmic piece, with many "number" chords :)
Since the challenge revolved around chords, I figured it was right for me xD
I love playing around with unconventional progressions, while I try to make them sound nice. It's cool to hear that the composition is singable too!!
I'm glad it doesn't sound choppy. While I added a VST to the MIDI, I tried to soften the worst parts. Thanks for listening, as well as for your input! :D
I remember commenting on one of your other pieces about a lack of clarity, and it is present here too. However: I really like how you've divided it into comic strip panels a lot clearer here. I have a slightly better idea of what to make of this picture. Some bits are quite surrealist (those sharks up top, for example).
Well the clarity needed for this piece is found in the actual book: Red Shirts by John Scalza's
He was the one that came up with Ice Sharks. He said it.
From his words I just could not get out of my head what an Ice Shark would look like.
realistically: did not make me happy: A shark swimming in ice would not make you think of an Ice shark. You would think of an Orca. At least I would have.
In this man's world the bathroom was open to all genders and creatures and everyone made it out just fine. So I was wondering if in reality we could?
I feel your pain. My own father was one of these so-called "real men" and spoke with his fists to me, almost exclusively.
It's hard for me to make out what the figures in the art are doing, either because of a lack of clarity in the outlines or the colours, I cannot tell which.
Lack of clarity will be fixed over time when I find better mediums. The messages will get better too!
This is only the beginning.
There is a more elaborate explanation found at www.adventgradepress.com
Scene 1: The man and woman both love the dream the comes from the fight, the idea of money and the spotlight.
Scene 2: When there is no crowd, each has to weigh how much the fame, the money, the spotlight is worth it to them.
Scene 3: She is alone, she asked him to stay, don't fight, who cares, "ill love you, when or loose, leave it all, let the dream die, just don't fight."
Scene 4: The bell rings
Scene 5: He is hit a lot.
Scene 6 She can not take it, she can't look, he face getting hit is not worth it.
Scene 7 HE is winning, everything is going to be fine, it is worth it, He is so strong, can't wait to go home!
Scene 8: the Bell rings and no matter what we love our fighters. We love the strong man and strong woman.
The story of my life.
This entry is easily the best I've seen in this entire competition to date.
The proportions are on point, the shading is on point, and best of all, there's a beautiful contrast up the front that sets Ariel apart. That is easily the most striking part of the piece, the bit that draws me in. Don't get me wrong, everything else looks accomplished too -- but you've really got a hook in this piece, pardon the pun. (get it, hook, trident...?)
Just a stylistic choice I guess, one that doesn't make me want to dock points but I just feel... Flounder looks awfully like Flotsam and Jetsam. I'm not really a fan of that. That being said, just how Ariel looks after having taken Triton's place is imaginative. I don't know if for good, or for evil; I wouldn't be able to tell by her garb, her pose and her seeming enjoyment for all things scaly and bat-winged.
Anyway, props to you. Well done!
Thank you for your lofty words and feedback. Personally I feel the proportions could be better and I was clueless about the lighting. (nice pun btw ;)
I felt the same way about the look of Flounder, It was a choice to keep him somewhat prehistoric and evil looking, as he would be like a pet/protector for Ariell. My mindset was the level one cute baby versions of dragons in games in contrast to their bad ass full level evolution.
I see what you mean with the bat like garb, I was aiming for a see trough fin-like protection, but I guess I failed that part, I didn't really had in mind if she was good or evil. I wanted her to look powerful and someone to not get on bad terms with. If she is good or evil I wanted to leave up to the imagination of the viewer.
Thanks again, and good luck in the competition with your kingdom hearts piece.
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