View Profile Troisnyx
Pronounced "trwa-nix." I dream up meepy dreams full of meep.
Currently doing things nonprofit. (she/her)

Annette Singh @Troisnyx

29, Female


Lancashire, UK

Joined on 6/26/11

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Troisnyx's News

Posted by Troisnyx - September 16th, 2017

Before anyone asks, no, I'm not well enough yet to sing. My body still hurts and my throat and chest are still filled with phlegm. But I REALLY need to get this off my chest. Call it a 'vent,' if you must.

I'm not doing this to justify any actions (because I imagine each person has different ways of coping), but I'm here to tell people what it's like for me, and exactly why I get angry when someone wallows in self-pity.



In the daytime, between 6:00 and 9:30, I am woken up with a jolt, from having suffered an awful nightmare. It could involve my parents, or the school I went to, or conscription, or being raped or molested. All these things did happen to me in the past and now they are playing on repeat, the old spectres haunting me. This happens nearly every day, and I often need Seán's and my friends' help to remind me that it's only a dream. My memories take on nightmarish forms in my dreams, which is why when I remember that it's only a dream, it's only my memories. I may be in a much better place now with people to love and cherish me, but I am plagued by these awful things.

Sometimes I get flashes of my mother and father, with their angry, fiery eyes, ready to slam a massive spoon or a belt or a feather-duster or their fists straight to my body, then bruising me where it is least visible. They didn't want to attract any attention to what beatings I got, so any bruising would be covered by my school uniform. Where I grew up, many people mastered the art of torture without leaving a trace: they would hit areas that did not bruise.

I have been getting more of these flashes lately. My father treated me as his property, to be treated as he pleased, and married off as he pleased. (Bear in mind I was already a legal adult by this time.) His attitude towards me was simply shameful. You know the kind of father who sends his daughter off to be married and undergo FGM? Well, imagine that. Just without the FGM. Domineering, cold and unwilling to listen.

I remember the apartment where I grew up, in very vivid detail. I know where everything was kept, what everything looks like, and I can even see the images in my mind. I remember the room where I was nearly beaten to death multiple times, what it looked like, and I can still remember it in vivid detail. I was 2 when it first happened.

Yes, two years old! -- and that image and my cries for help have never vanished from my mind.

I remember the pain. I remember trying to run away from home -- but where could I go? -- I remember being treated like a pariah for my ethnicity and my supposed caste, multiple times, with people smearing my name, not wanting to go near me because I 'wasn't of their kind', etc., etc.

And that only covers a summary of the abuse from my family. That's only the tip of the iceberg, and my family weren't the only abusers.

Sometimes you feel you've overcome it, and sometimes you're struggling like a fucking emotional wreck. In those times it's easy to think that the whole world is out to get you, because you've had it happen to you many, many times. But the fact of the matter is, there are also people who are willing to love, and give, and not expect anything in return. It's easy to shut yourself away from these beautiful people, who make humanity good just by what they do.

I have suffered suicidal thoughts and on many occasions, have been close to doing it. It's easy to think, at those moments, that you don't have agency over your actions. But you do. All you need is just ONE moment of will to believe in the people who want to help you. It's fucking difficult to get to that point, but it's worth it. That one moment can change everything. The feeling of lack of agency will then pass like a ghost, and with it come cathartic tears. No one will judge a person for feeling suicidal after he's recovered. More often than not, people would be extremely happy that they managed to pull someone away from the brink. It feels like the one sheep missing from the pen that the shepherd has saved, while leaving the ninety-nine behind. It feels like the one denarius that the widow has lost and found again. That's what it feels like, both inwardly in myself, and outwardly from other people, when they manage to pull me back from the brink. People are proud of someone who has emerged from a suicidal stupor alive, and willing to seek help.



For all I know, one day, the PTSD will get worse and resurface, and much like a long, unresolved grief, I would have to go through many stages before coming to the point of acceptance. Self-pity is not a stage of grief -- or if it is, it is utterly damaging. We have every right to be angry and sad over wrongs that had been committed against us. And many of us fight passionately for that right. But if we're not careful, we could be thinking, "I'm a fucking joke," or somesuch. Self-deprecation and self-pity are two sides of the same coin.

And the problem with self-pity -- and I know this, because I've been in that frame of mind -- is that it shuts the door against people who are trying to help us. It shuts the door against any chances we make for ourselves.

If in the family home, I wallowed in self-pity, I would be no different from my own narcissist parents, who treated me as they pleased, and used that "oh poor me" excuse to justify doing whatever they wanted against me, because I was certainly lower in status than my parents -- I was a mere child and needed to be put in my place. "Oh poor me" was used as emotional blackmail against me, to never question their actions or to never call them bad parents -- which is what I really ought to have called them. If I went on to say, "oh poor me," I wouldn't be much different from my abusers. And they say that those who have been abused become abusers themselves.

But I don't want to. I want to break the cycle. That's the only way healing can happen. That is the only way we can go on.

And then you'll go on to say, "but Trois, you have a far better strength of character than I do, of course you can do it no problem!" BOLLOCKS. One, I am just as bad as any sufferer of PTSD going through awful episodes, and like others around me, I don't feel I am strong. For nearly succumbing to my suicidal thoughts, I feel I am weak. Two, if you want strength of character, then you gotta do it. There may very well be times that no one's going to tell you that you're strong.

As a result of the abuse my family (especially my parents) inflicted on me, I have lost ten years of my shitty life. Being forced to study what they wanted me to on pain of death, suffering constant harassment from said family, and then having no control at all over my future because I saw myself as having no means to achieve my deepest dreams. But life is only shitty if you can call it out for its bullshit. That is, if you can actually stare it in the eye, and say, "Oi, don't fuck around with me."

I do not trust my blood relations anymore. Now, my family is what I make of it. I love Seán, and I look forward to marrying him. And all the friends I've made these last few years, they are my family. They are the replacement for the strong and secure family unit that I did not have a chance to enjoy. No, they are more than a replacement -- they are family. It can take one split-second to make all the difference between embracing them when they're trying to help me, and rejecting them forever.

Posted by Troisnyx - September 14th, 2017

I got taken to hospital for a few hours on Sunday (the urgent care centre to be precise) when the doctors suspected I had pleurisy, because I had chest pains and it hurt me even to sit still or to breathe or to cough. After testing me negative for the worst possible scenarios -- deep-vein thrombosis and pulmonary embolism -- they concluded that it was an inflammation of the chest muscles, and rest and painkillers would help ease recovery.

I'm finding it hard to keep my pitch straight because of the phlegm inside me, that is proving impossible to come out at this stage. I cannot force it to come out, not even with a hot shower in the morning.

I have two solo pieces, one of them being vocal Re:Reveris, and I'm determined to release it, and my mind is at this stage where concentrating on other things is almost impossible without Re:Reveris being released. And, of course, I cannot record because my voice is wavering and this bloody phlegm won't fucking go.


Fuck this shit already. Those who said summer colds are the worst ain't felt nowt yet.

@Whirlguy @SourJovis

Posted by Troisnyx - September 9th, 2017


Happened about 6+ years since I set foot on Newgrounds, but it does seem that everyone does have their day. Eeeey, tá mé go hiontach. Go raibh maith agat, NG!



So, a warm welcome if you're on my page for the first time. Feel free to browse things I've submitted -- audio, art, newsposts, whatever. I'm not good at introductions, and I've spoken at length about myself in previous posts.

As the thumbnail suggests, I'm primarily a musician, and I do some ethereal and uplifting stuff a lot of the time. Meep. Oh, and I meep a lot. Meep meep meemeemeep.

Posted by Troisnyx - August 30th, 2017

In the last post I wrote about projects in progress. This time I want to tease a bit more, with cover/sleeve artwork for two which are either partly there, or near completion.


Attention @TMM43. ^_-


NB: The artwork for Re:Reveris' vocal version is a prototype of the Project Chaplaincy title screen; I'd been doing many title screen prototypes over the years. I thought I'd use it, just as a throwback to the place in which I stayed during my time at university, the people whom I knew there who have since been scattered due to their life's calling.

Posted by Troisnyx - August 29th, 2017

So what am I working on, given that I concluded a massive project just a few days back? (By the way, this particular link leads to Mio/Homura's music video, which I also mentioned in my FP'ed previous post because it's awesome. YOU SHOULD GO SEE IT.)

Well, these:

  • In the immediate future, I'm scoring two animations by @Wondermeow. I was ill for a short while but now, I seem to have recovered, so I might as well start on them now.


  • A collaboration with @TMM43, which will take its time -- and it is a remake + vocal version of something I've already submitted to NG


  • A collaboration with @ProudAardvark, and this will be something new. I'll be providing vocals to his music.


  • The joy from Mio/Homura's music video prompted a few friends of mine to collaborate with me on Akiko Shikata-like stuff, but methinks it'll take a life of its own rather than be inspired by anyone. Most of the collaborators on this project are not from Newgrounds -- they are from a band called harmonicblend. @Phyrnna is in on the project too, and we're all keeping our eyes peeled as to how this'll go.


  • Starting next month, the musicians will begin work on the Audio Portal 15th Anniversary Audio Drama, so I'll be handling what projects take the least time / have the highest priority, and then take my time with the rest.


  • I still haven't forgotten that I need to do O City That Was Not.


In other news, Seán and I have been discussing what our next big project should be. I'm not going to give away any pointers as to what it might be, but I assure you, it's gonna be as awesome as Mio/Homura is.

Posted by Troisnyx - August 24th, 2017

After about four hours upload time and an entire night and morning of processing, I am proud and happy to present to all of you the music video for Mio/Homura EXTEND ver.!


I had alluded to it in previous posts, even sharing a few shots from the recording day back on 20 July, but I never would have dreamt, back when I composed the original in 2012, that it would look this good, and be an immense source of joy and positivity to all involved. What started off as a love-it-or-hate-it song from the Newgrounds Audio Deathmatch became... well, basically, this.

Big up to Seán and my friends at Soundskills / The Alison Project for helping me make this come to fruition. We made a great team! And a special big up to Seán for getting me to remake this song in the first place. Were it not for you, this probably may not have seen the light of day. Thank you. I love you.



With that, I'm also taking the opportunity to announce that troisnyx.co.uk is LIVE AT LAST!


I had finished the redesign of this website some time back, even going to Soundskills to watercolour some site assets (yes, a good portion of the images you see there are my own watercolours, but not all of them are). However, the home page was going to feature the Mio/Homura music video, and without it, the website could not go live. I'd sent the odd sneak peek to one or two friends, but that was about it. Anyway, it's back up. Happy browsing!



If you're here and hearing Mio/Homura for the first time, then follow the journey:

Posted by Troisnyx - August 22nd, 2017

It's no secret that I actually struggle between 'useless' and 'abusive' reviews, especially on those copyrighted tracks that get uploaded for Geometry Dash.

I'd better be more careful next time.

Posted by Troisnyx - August 16th, 2017

Seeing as the video version of Mio/Homura is not yet finished and there's still a video I alluded to on Twitter some time back, I thought I'd upload it onto my own channel, and here it is!

This is me at Soundskills for July's open mic. I discovered this video on the desktop of one of the Soundskills computers, asked permission from the person who runs it -- Chris Davis -- as he's the person who also recorded this video, asked if I could upload it, and he said yes. So here it is. ^_^ And for those of you who were wondering whether that was me in previous songs... yes, that is me. I have a relatively vibrato-less voice. Some might even consider it "flat;" I'm aware of that. It cites me as Annette, but not as Troisnyx just yet. Hm...

Bear in mind that while I was classically trained on piano, I now have no regular access to one. So I basically had one or two days' worth of practice, and very little preparation or warning as to what I was going to play. This was also the first time I performed Street Lights, a song of mine which I'm aiming to finish sequencing, but still haven't. Well, you've heard it here first; I finally have a new lyrical song. (New-ish.)

When I finally release Street Lights, whenever that'll be, I'll post more about the details behind that song and how it came to be. For now, I hope you all enjoy the video!



In other news, a lot seems to have been taken out of me musically and I find myself in a position where, yet again, I have to keep piercing through the wall of lack of inspiration / lack of motivation before being able to do anything at this point. So, that's where I am. I'm struggling quite badly.



Subscriptions: @RealFaction @Akuaitance @EDM364 @Mich @Kelpalots @etherealwinds @sorohanro

(Please let me know if you'd like your name added to or removed from the list. Added the extra names because I thought it'd be a bit meep. ^_^)

Posted by Troisnyx - August 12th, 2017

Done for a friend who is leaving for Oxford U to join their chaplaincy team. It was really hard taking photos of it, and I just couldn't wait to share it with the lot of you. Naturally, it's a comedic parody, and Seán (@IrishChieftain) wrote most of the dialogue to this; I only changed one frame or two.



Farewell, my friend. I'm gonna miss you.

Posted by Troisnyx - August 9th, 2017

First of all, I finally released my earliest Soundskills recording, of a song that I wrote that dates back to 2007. It's called Somewhere Out There. Those of you who have seen my open mic videos may have come across this song before.

I sang, played keyboard and drums for this recording, and it was in October or November of 2015 that it was started. So basically, I waited a year and three quarters to release this, in part due to not being able to cite my friends' roles properly. I had one friend do bass guitar, another do lead and rhythm guitar, and another do mixing. Incidentally, it was the first proper recording of me on drums, and at the time, I wasn't really confident. See, I barely managed to keep time; I feel the groove was simple, perhaps even simplistic.

Now that I have a kit and am able to practise on a regular basis, it helps build my confidence a bit. I feel vulnerable playing drums; this is something I mention over and over again. The friend who did the mixing on Somewhere Out There is also my drum tutor at this point, so it's opening up to me things I never would have thought of doing as far as percussion goes.

My body needs time to get used to long practice and playing sessions. I often feel tired. It'll be worth it in the end; I knew that I was always meant to gravitate to drums and percussion but now, this seems to have been validated at last. The rhythm tends to be my prayer, and my means of expressing myself. I don't really know how else to express it, and I know I want to say a lot more. It is something sacred to me, and something worth sharing with everyone I meet...

One day I'll put up a new recording. I'm not sure when, or in what context it'll be. But when that day comes, I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do.