Yesterday, in the mid-afternoon, I released a new song called At the Ends of the Earth. I want to talk a bit about this song, as is the tradition I keep here on NG when I talk about songs that are particularly close to my heart.

I mentioned the game in dev hell, Song of the Firefly, in the description of the song above, and while I wait in hope for the day that it comes to life -- which might be a long time from now -- I want to talk about the feelings behind this.

At the Ends of the Earth was meant as many things.

1. It is music that provides the story setting for something. In the case of Song of the Firefly, I hope (and I write this with trepidation) that it tells the story / provides the setting well.
2. It is intended as both title screen music and end-level music, or something to the effect of Somnus out of Final Fantasy XV. You know how in video games, you always get a chill when something you hear very early in the game makes a resurgence in the endgame, and when it comes back in the endgame, it may be the same thing, but it takes a much darker turn due to the setting for which that same song is played?
3. It is a mourning song. A dirge, perhaps, a lament for many things.

When @ShockblastDeluxe suggested we do a "four producers, one sample" in the vein of Andrew Huang, I wondered if there wasn't something I could let four of us bring back to life. I dug through my audio submissions and found the teaser to At the Ends of the Earth. While the others were planning to distort and remix it and make something new, I took this opportunity to bring this song to life at last. But the only lyrics I had were "day, and night, and day, and night, and" on a loop.

I sat down to writing lyrics on several occasions; I even took the opportunity to do that while I was outdoors and had some time to myself. This song needed to be something that hit hard and hit home, and I picked the thing that hit hard and hit home that I should have mustered lyrics for a long time ago: the love of my fiancé, Seán.

So, in addition to what is seen at face value (which, to my recollection, is literally the premise for Song of the Firefly), it has a second, 'hidden' meaning of sorts. And that hidden meaning is to do with Seán pulling me back from the brink on multiple occasions, calling on me to trust and hope for the future with the same kind of trust that burns within his heart, knowing what is filling both his heart and mine with so much pain.

My voice wavered. My heart broke. I played the harp the best I'd ever played thus far -- and I do not consider myself a good harpist. But everything I did, I did with all the sorrow within me, and then some.

Many people gave me prompts on mixing, including @etelik and a number of other NG peeps, as well as a couple people from The Mixer's Alliance (a Discord server geared towards mixing, and aimed primarily at chorus battle groups on YouTube and the like).

I was fortunate, and am grateful, to have been given the help from both @JessieYun and @siteml with regards to the piano. Both of them, in their own capacity, took the MIDI of my piano and turned my soundfont-Steinway into a nice, pedalled Bösendorfer.

A while back I did the cover art for this, with the hopes that it would also become the soundtrack album for SOTF; it is now the cover art for all SOTF-related or -intended tracks.

In the months to come, I hope to be able to get some visuals. I have an idea for a live-action music video for At the Ends of the Earth -- I just hope that it is feasible, and that we can take the necessary precautions for any risks that will inevitably present themselves while filming. If this idea is feasible, I will post the progress.

Anyway: I feel that with this song, I've bared my soul. Maybe not as much as I would like, but some have told me that it is different from my past works. Unexpected, even. I still want the courage to bare my soul even more with my music.

For now, however, I hope you all enjoy this song. Thank you for taking the time to read, and to listen.

I'd tagged the participants, and @NekoMika has since frontpaged the winners -- but if you're curious to see the results, they can be found here.

A few of you have asked, during the contest period, if the stems would still be made available. I had a quick check-in with @Phyrnna and we've agreed that, yes, they'll be made available. We look forward to hearing what you do with them!

They can be found in the first few posts of mine that I have made in the contest's submission thread.

Those of you who participated, I thank you for a job well done. I hope, most of all, that you had fun. For many, this will have been your first contest. Please keep writing music -- you'll all only get better!

I want to make a quick update about the NGAP Audio Drama.

As it stands, the music is 95 percent done. One song still needs assembling. All the other tracks have been composed.

The main voice acting is completely done. Those who have volunteered to do background voices and things are doing what they can. Our main FX artist has fallen under hard times lately, so it's taking a fair bit longer than hoped.

We've been able to taste the end for quite a while now; I hope that we can deliver the finalised audio drama to you all sooner rather than later.

Aside from that, I have been taking to composing a couple new things, and remaking a fair few of my earliest piano pieces, the ones I'd submitted here. I wouldn't remake them without reason; I can see them being used for something already. There's loads of stuff in the works, loads. If anything, I think I might need some time to untangle it all.

How have you all been?

Hey everyone, if you haven't already seen this in the beginning of the month, go see it now --

The A Breeze From Home remix contest!!

It's a little remix contest to generate some hype for the game that features @Phyrnna's and my collaborative track, A Breeze From Home, which I posted onto NG some time back.

That game, of course, being Epic Battle Fantasy 5, which has been out on Steam since 30 November of last year. The free version of this very game should be making its appearance on both Newgrounds and Kongregate at some point, and now's your chance to win both a copy of the game and a copy of the game's original soundtrack!!

Click on either the image or the text immediately below it to go to the forum thread containing the sweet deets about this competition, if you'd like to join in the fun! If you have any questions or comments whatsoever, there's always the competition's discussion thread where you can post your queries.

So perhaps some of you are wondering, why Epic Battle Fantasy? How on earth did you get this song into the game in the first place? Well... I guess I'd best start with why I like the EBF series so much.

If you're not familiar with @matt-likes-swords' work here on Newgrounds, he is a shining example of the fact that you can start from absolutely nothing, be crap at something to begin with -- and then dramatically improve, and blow everyone away with your newfound skill. I was pointed to some of his earliest animations (in particular, the earlier episodes of his Red Mages series), some time after I'd played Epic Battle Fantasy 3. Those of you who were on Newgrounds in 2010, 2011 or thereabouts remember the IMMENSE impact that EBF3 had. Everyone and their neighbour loved that game. And naturally, we followed him for the epic ride ahead, with the next two titles in the series that he released. And I'm not even counting Bullet Heaven or Adventure Story; those games are awesome in their own right but I'm digressing right about now.

Basically, look at the skill jump from early Red Mages, to that of Epic Battle Fantasy 3. You gotta hand it to him, that guy's an inspiration and should be an inspiration for every content creator on this very site. Also, EBF is a homegrown series. Outside of the fact that it has a Kongregate presence, and had a DeviantArt presence, it started on Newgrounds as well. Matt and Phyrnna have collaborated together on this series, with Phy writing the music, since the days of Epic Battle Fantasy 2, in 2009. Yeah, they've been at it for a decade, and what a fine decade it's been.

The games are turn-based RPGs, that are basically pastiches of everything and anything -- especially pop culture -- with LOTS and LOTS of good writing, hilarious dialogue, fourth wall breaking... There are a number of walkthroughs and Let's Plays of the game now on YouTube, and the game has gone to really put a smile on many people's faces. And to think that it all began because one person wanted to animate and make games, and another wanted to make music that touched people's hearts, and the two met on NG.

But, enough of me actually speaking and putting screenshots. I think you all ought to see this, and Matt Roszak's own video updates of the game, for yourselves.

(Also inb4 chests must be grabbed. Apparently even the girls want Natalie.)

For my part, I've played Epic Battle Fantasy 5, finished it, and I am now replaying it in French and at double the difficulty. In the description to A Breeze From Home, I go at length about how it came to pass that I had an arrangement that featured in an actual EBF game. I'm still humbled by it all even now...

The series touched me very early on, as I mentioned, in the days of EBF3. I remember attempting to host an EBF-related collaboration here on Newgrounds, gathering art and audio remixes and hoping to get help to put them in this nice little widget to show appreciation for the game and its creators. The collaboration never came to be. There are a few remnants of the collab here and there, especially if one should look for forum threads, or even remixes of the games' soundtrack, or fan art, dating back to 2012.

I drew the occasional fan art of EBF as well, and one such piece, which I called Fireballs and Lightning, was done at a very vulnerable period in my life. There were many people and many things that sustained me over the last few years; EBF was one of the many things.

But outside of these contributions of mine, there are many others on NG who have drawn fanart, made covers (which are also listed with some of Phyrnna's originals), and the like. I think these speak for themselves as to just how many people derived some form of enjoyment from this series of games.

If you're planning to participate in the competition -- I wish you all the very best. To whomever should win -- I hope you enjoy the game and its soundtrack. If you choose to buy the game on Steam, or wait for the release of the free version on Newgrounds -- I hope you enjoy it as much as many of us do.

I hope you all had a peaceful Christmas Day -- and there's still more of the season to go yet!

To begin, I want to announce the thing I've been waiting for the most this year, a thing that I've been part of big time.

I and the friends at A Reyvateil's Melody present to you fine folk, COSMOCRYSTAL II ~ clalliss re leat, maya re pat - 映放紡色 (EIHOU BOUSYOKU).

The music that you hear in this video is one of two tracks composed by yours truly, but there's more yet. There's an entire crossfade video as well to go through! And the audio is also previewable on Newgrounds right here.

Our very own @JessieYun has lent violin to track 5 of this album. For my part, I composed the first two, part-arranged the 5th, and sang the 6th.

A Reyvateil's Melody are a doujin circle -- and this album is a fan work, comprising original songs and lore, based on the universe of the Ar tonelico series of games. We work nonprofit -- all proceeds go into a kitty that enables us to produce more stuff in future. Individual members don't earn a penny from this.

If you enjoy what you hear, please consider supporting us! The album is available for preorder via the following links:

• Side Red: https://isukado.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=505&products_id=111967
• Hymmnos Ensemble: https://isukado.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=505&products_id=111968

So, my Christmas Day has been one filled with wonder. I sang and played at three Masses -- 20:00 on Christmas Eve, midnight on Christmas Day, and 09:00 on Christmas Day. The one at 20:00 was my usual one; I handled timpani and medieval drum. The one at the next morning, I played pipe organ, and did bodhrán and voice for one of the carols. Outside of these, the Masses were fulfilling, and I am always filled with wonder over the celebration of the birth of Christ.

But I'd like to talk a bit about the midnight Mass, because playing organ at that was the most nerve-wracking thing I've had to deal with in recent times.

That Mass was in Polish, a language I understand extremely little of. And I only had one day of practice. Frankly, I'm surprised by how well it all went down.

I was sweating, hoping that I didn't drag things too long. Hoping that I was playing alright enough for people to sing along. Hoping that there wouldn't be another vodka-fuelled catfight right outside the church doors that my beloved Seán would need to break up, like he had to do last year. It went beautifully, for which I am grateful.

Seán got me a 16" deep-shelled bodhrán -- I am extremely grateful, not only for the gift, but that he is stalwartly standing by me and the talent he believes I have. I've not had confidence in my drumming lately, but I've gotta trust him and those who see that which I cannot see in myself.

After many, MANY hints from him (because I suck at picking gifts for people), I wound up giving him a storm glass. You know, those things that have crystals in them that are dependent on the temperature etc. that are meant to predict the weather? We joked between us that it looks like a dildo. XD

But the one thing I'm most grateful for, right now, is that he is by my side, and that I am by his. We got each other through some tough times. I know we're only engaged right now, and not yet married -- but it's things like these that remind me how much we promised we'd be there for each other for the long haul. And that's a promise we intend to keep for the rest of our lives.

This is a filler post while the loose ends of both the NGAP Audio Drama and Cosmocrystal II Side Red are being tied up. To update, the NGAP Audio Drama is missing a few lines both spoken and sung, so it's on its way to assembly / production after that point. Cosmocrystal II Side Red is on its way as well; there have been whisperings about it on Twitter and anywhere else where there are groups of Hymmnos and Ar tonelico enthusiasts.

But there is a big announcement in this post, so listen up!

So, remember this post I wrote some time back where I said that I did a vocal version of @Phyrnna's A Breeze From Home that is going into Epic Battle Fantasy 5?

EBF5's soundtrack is out! And the vocal version of A Breeze From Home with it!

Please lend as much support as you can to the game and its music! And if you do find vocal!A Breeze From Home in the game when it is released, or find it upon purchasing the OST, do let Phy and/or me know what you think about it. I did this nonprofit and the track being done is reward enough for me at this point.

So bit of a segue here, the title of this post alludes to the instruments that have in recent times become part of the family of sorts. Seán and I have gathered these over the months / years, and I want to start with the most relevant to A Breeze From Home first.

This is a cherry red Epiphone Les Paul Special, vintage edition, for those who do not recognise it by its trademark shape and colour. This is the very same guitar I used to pick the chords for A Breeze From Home. Sadly, Seán's camera had a flash on and the actual red is lighter than it should appear -- it's a darn sight deeper than this. Anyway -- with what little muscle memory I had I recorded the entire guitar sequence of A Breeze From Home on this, before then layering it with a MIDI guitar track.

In all seriousness though, I have played this as though it were an acoustic guitar (at least most of the time).

This is a mandolin. Doesn't look like one, does it? Looks like some Frankenstein's creation.

It's actually a Fender FM-61SE SB. Some people informally call it the 'Mandocaster' but uh, that's besides the point. It has an F-hole, goodness knows why, and it's electric. I am looking forward to using this in recordings, especially for doujin circle stuff. This is a gift from a friend of mine.

I've picked up a fair few chords on it since it had been gifted to me, and Seán is not doing too shabbily on it himself. He's found another instrument that he can pick up and enjoy.

This tambourine isn't new. You'll have seen it in the latter half of the music video to Mio/Homu when I announced it last year. However, it was headless for a while.

It originally had a head. Seán restored it to its former glory a few months ago, using an old bodhrán skin and some thumbtacks. I remember finding it with a head that was about to rip itself off, and it sounded decent then. Now, it sounds positively deep and sensuous. Expect to hear it in more doujin-related recordings -- I cannot say much about my solo stuff yet.

The second of the two tambourines I now have; this one has hand-hammered brass cymbals. It sounds like a cross between a tambourine and a rattle; it feels that ancient. The skin is also smooth, translucent even. I will be using this one A LOT in future.

And last but not least, Seán's baritone ukulele. He uses this more than I; I have one that plugs into an amp that I use for recording and performance. Occasionally I have a go on this one, but he feels more comfortable with the bigger frets and the deeper, less tinny sound compared to most ukuleles.

So, there we are. That's my filler update for now. How have you all been?

So yesterday through the streets of Preston this procession thing happened. It's the Lancashire Encounter, an event which takes place annually, but a procession through the streets takes place once every two years.

And I've been drumming.

I am the snare drummer on the left side of the "tank" -- and that tank was an ingenious idea by the way, it was an electric wheelchair turned into a tank. Are Soundskills turning more and more into Newgrounds????

There were loads of contingents from different volunteer groups, leisure groups and organisations all dressed in red -- because this year's theme was the Red Dream Parade -- and we basically did this thing. Preston is a small city and for something like this to happen on a small budget is pretty impressive to say the least.

I joined my friends at Soundskills, the community centre near me, in our own contingent for this. We dressed as 'futuristic natives,' hence the strange getup that was actually made from scratch, along with the "tank," and various other props. Preparation for this must've taken at least a couple months, and we pulled out all the stops we could pull, notwithstanding laxity, low budget, people living under a rock for several months and not hearing about the event till the last minute, etc.

Here, some more pictures.

One of the surdos. I drew that myself.

More outlandishly decorated drums.

The tank up close.

This was from well before we set off. I'd painted my own face -- because what is Troisnyx without a triquetra somewhere? The red clothes were actually made from scratch by a fair few people who took to the sewing machines in the weeks before the parade. Because of my appearance, Seán, the fiancé, called me a "ladybug." I found it quite affectionate. ^_^

Sadly, he was too ill to join the audience that day.

A group picture of us when the parade was over. Our final stop was Winckley Square. This is a press photo, and it's been made public over Twitter and (presumably) BlogPreston, to my knowledge. I am the one on the right, at the back, holding the drumsticks. Most of us had already disrobed by then and were wearing black shirts or jumpers underneath our red clothes.

There's loads more where this came from, if one should search Red Dream Parade on Twitter. I'd taken part in a similar event two years ago, called the Procession of Light, and while this one is smaller than the Procession of Light, I still thoroughly enjoyed our part in that procession -- the drumming especially. So yeah, that was my Sunday afternoon. I returned home to Seán and immediately shared everything I felt and saw and heard from that day, whatever I could source anyway. He felt gutted that he couldn't make it, but it's not his fault, I certainly don't blame him. I'm just glad that I could share all of this with him.

Anyway, how have you all been?

So, over the last few months, at @Phyrnna's request, I did this -- click image below to hear the teaser!

This is the secret song that I'd been alluding to for quite a while, and I am extremely humbled and pleased and grateful all at once to say that it is now going to feature in Epic Battle Fantasy 5!!

As I mentioned in the song's description, I did it as a labour of love. Those who know my situation know I'm nonprofit at the moment -- and that being said, doing the song was reward enough for me.

This is huge news. I'm well aware of what this is. I sincerely hope that I can keep up the work that I do. Thanks to Matt and Phy for granting me this opportunity, and to the rest -- thanks for being there with me. I've had a lot of mental trauma to deal with lately and this has been welcome news. I am eternally grateful.

You'll hear it soon.

Long story short, I have finished it and the result almost moved me to tears.

I don't doubt there are among you who would likely ask me, hold up, what is this song about? -- well, I can't say yet what this song is about, or what it's for. I can tease that it is very much linked with a certain series of games here on Newgrounds that has received quite the intense following. That is all I will say for now on the matter.

Meanwhile, the progress on my other songs and things: The gig from early last month went spectacularly!

One of two Hymmnos songs that I have written for A Reyvateil's Melody is finished; I have begun recording voices on the other.

I can't really do much of an update because I intend the next post to be chock-full of content. First of all, I'll announce the secret song, then I'll put piccies of the gig that the fiancé took, then I'll share a crossfade of the finished versions of the songs that I've written for ARM. I'm still going to take some time yet.

All I can say is, for the past month or so I felt like I was drowning in music projects. And now, I'm only about ankle-deep. The tides have receded. Just one song left before I can finally concentrate on solo projects, audio drama, and continue reworking troisnyx.co.uk. I will indeed be happy once the pressure around me is released. Seán has been with me every step of the way and I cannot tell him enough how much I love him, especially when I find myself overcome by the amount of things I need to do.

Writing this not only as a means of informing people, but also as a means of keeping myself on track. There are many things that I need finished or would like to see finished, but I think I'll narrow it down to a few.

• To begin, I have mentioned Cosmocrystal II in a previous newspost of mine. Ocurp Omnis, the teaser / work in progress for which is on Newgrounds, is now FINISHED. I still have two more tracks to write for this doujin album. And for one of these, which I am working on now, called FLOW_CRAYNELSPHERE/., I am channelling the likes of Queen and Billy Joel. Last year I thought MioHomu was my magnum opus. It's likely that Craynelsphere might surpass it. Both of these need doing by July.

• I am in a band, called The Just Numbers. I play drums and ukulele and do backing vocals, though it does appear that I may be playing more things as time passes. It's a three-piece band, doing classic rock and blues and things along these lines. Mainly originals. My role in the band is strictly nonprofit, I'm not earning a penny out of this. Any proceeds will be split between the bassist and the guitarist. Some of you may have heard said guitarist's work before -- he's a friend of mine, and his name's Greg Slater. If you haven't heard Somewhere Out There, there he is playing his heart out on that guitar of his while I am hesitant playing drums in said track, because that would be the first time I've ever recorded a drum kit in my entire life. Our first gig is on Friday, 8 June.  If you are in Preston, or in the Northwest and are able to make it to Preston and want to come see, feel absolutely free! Details on The Just Numbers' Twitter page.

• I have one solo song in the works. When I say 'solo,' I don't mean it strictly. I mean, this is all going to be me again, even if I'm self-backing. Those of you who are subscribed to my YouTube page would probably know of a song called Street Lights, the short version of which I performed at an open mic once. I have finished the instrumental backing to this song but I will only return to it once I have finished everything related to Cosmocrystal II.

• Once all this is done, I intend to rework and remaster most of my vocal tracks.

That's what I see myself doing in the near future, I guess. So all that's going on. Apologies if you haven't heard much from me; I guess I've really been buried chest-deep in it and I am slowly working my way out.

Subscriptions: @Mich @ADR3-N @Akuaitance @ChazDude @RealFaction @BraydogNG @Cyberdevil

Speaking as someone who grew up in a very repressive Malaysia where one party has held the reins for getting on 60 years, since the creation of the country:

The place of my birth now has a new government, a new party, but an old face, and I'm not really having a good feeling about this at all.

So first off, I'd like to start by putting into a bulleted list, what the news outlets have to say about this whole matter:

• First and foremost, the BBC. Their article on this matter has thrown in words of caution, including that the Electoral Commission failed to remove the votes of now dead people, failed to improve on the postal voting system, and in light of past events, also cast a shadow on the whole thing.
• The Guardian is extremely optimistic.
• The Independent was the first paper I encountered that had former Malaysian Prime Minister, Najib Razak, give an official statement on his defeat. Again, the tone is hopeful and optimistic.
• Moving on to local papers, the New Straits Times covers the swearing-in of the new-old Prime Minister, Mahathir Mohamad (let's dispatch with the honorifics for now, shall we?). Some key opposition figures, who had campaigned for better human rights in the country, are to be made top figures -- for instance, Wan Azizah Wan Ismail, whom I remembered as quite the firebrand even in my school days, is going to be made deputy PM. Bear in mind that the same paper reported, in January this very same year, that the leaders of the then opposition, Pakatan Harapan, or the Alliance of Hope, rejected this very same Mahathir Mohamad as a Prime Ministerial candidate.
• The Malay Mail has done a very quick post on the swearing-in of Mahathir Mohamad.

So naturally, one wonders, whoopee! Change has come! Malaysia has its first hung parliament! What next? Thing is, considering Mahathir Mohamad's track record, I have my misgivings.

For starters, I remember him being Prime Minister when I was a child. Specifically, all the way up till I was 11. At that time already, he was the longest-serving Prime Minister in the history of the country. To his credit, he did modernise the country and bring in information technology -- a little late, considering most of the developed world had it in the 70s and 80s and we were playing catch-up in 1995, when it was introduced to us. However, he perpetuated some pretty horrible things, including the awful Malaysian human rights record. He brought with his reign sentiments of Malay dominance over all the other ethnic groups, just like a fair few of his predecessors and a fair few people who replaced him.

And, most notably, he imprisoned his then deputy, Anwar Ibrahim, on fabricated charges of sodomy, charges that would be repeated in the last decade as well -- in a country where male homosexuality is illegal, but female homosexuality is perfectly fine. Don't fucking ask me why. Many people around me, particularly in the cities, saw this as unjust and perhaps a perfect way to get rid of one's enemies within the party. But there were still many more others who swallowed the lies and believed, at face value, that all of this was true. Needless to say, this leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

On top of that, Mahathir Mohamad, in the 1980s, came up with a scheme of sorts called Wawasan 2020, or Vision 2020 -- a plan to make Malaysia on par with the developed West and East by the year 2020. Many people over there may have forgotten about it, but I certainly haven't. Well into my primary school years I and hundreds of other schoolmates were singing patriotic songs about Vision 2020 in our school assemblies. I remember, I was the fucking pianist for these songs. The news reports that I mentioned above allude to Mahathir's comments that he will step down after two years. If you ask me, I imagine that it's because he still remembers Vision 2020, pardon the cheesy name -- and that if it doesn't come true, it's not only Najib Razak with his corruption who'll be a laughing-stock. Mahathir himself would be a laughing-stock as well. Mahathir wants to avoid that.

But honestly, what drastic change can be done in two years without its immense share of problems?

I mean, come on. I am in Britain now and I love this country with all my heart, but Britain already has its problems; we're in what people describe as a constitutional crisis. Our brethren in the US... well, we hear enough problems in that country every day because of the President-made-of-cotton-candy-and-clown-pubes. And back when I was in Malaysia, many of us who were fed with information about Vision 2020 were fed also with the naive thought that we would have no more problems to deal with, we'd be a technological, prosperous paradise. I do not know if that naiveté still lingers on in the hearts and minds of the Malaysian people, and for their sake, I sincerely hope not. I sincerely hope that they realise that they're going to be faced with these problems  throughout their history and they have to take responsibility, and be accountable for these things.

I must also mention perhaps the most important thing of all that is filling me with unease.

The last time an opposition party took a lot of seats, it was in the 1960s. Immediately, goaded by political bigotry and hatred, a bloodbath happened that took the lives of very many people, predominantly from minorities. That came to be known as the 13 May 1969 Incident. Now, I am all for change if it is really heartfelt, and properly followed through -- but a lot of people tend to pay lip-service to that change. I remember that throughout my school years, propaganda about the 13 May 1969 Incident was consistently hammered into our heads. We were made to live in fear that if we elected anyone apart from the ruling government, something like this would happen again. We had to at least maintain a surface relation of harmony between all the ethnic groups -- fuck all the problems that happen beneath the scenes -- so that something like this doesn't happen and so that the status quo could be preserved. Now forgive me for my cynicism; I sincerely hope that it doesn't lead to something like this but what are the odds that Barisan National, or its component parties, won't go kicking and screaming throughout Mahathir Mohamad's new term? Or worse yet: what if they don't, because they're subjected to the same repression that we all knew in decades past?

Will many people be able to talk about their fears without prejudice? Will people be able to protest freely without tear gas and violence given to them? Will the Foreign Office here in Britain finally lift the warning to avoid centres in cities where protests are going on?

Will the sunset clause on majority rights for the Malay people finally be put in place, which has not been put in place since 1957, the independence of that country? Will it finally say, "until such time that there is economic parity between all the ethnic groups"?

Or will their legacy be one of a technological autocracy? Will people try to perpetuate the dominance of one ethnicity over all the others, like all the almost fascist rhetoric of "Malay lordship" or ketuanan Melayu that was propounded in the last decade?

I am still simmering with memories of what had been inflicted on me during my time in that country. I have nightmares of it in my sleep; they've happened nearly every night now. So naturally, I take a massive change like this with extreme caution, because I've known that country to be volatile in the past.