In September 2013, I mentioned that I have been fighting an intense battle for my future, my dreams, my life and my liberty, and that who I am as a person is at stake, and my freedoms are at stake. This battle is far from over.

I think it's about time I made the details of this battle public.

I am an asylum seeker.

And I know first-hand what it's like to be tarred with the same brush as many other people seeking asylum, to be called a benefit scrounger, although I have never claimed any finances from the state. That is only the stigma, and only part of the problem...

I am originally from Malaysia. For a long time there, I had been abused for my race in various situations in which the authorities could have intervened -- in school, as a conscript for a three-month National Service stint, and elsewhere. The abuse is physical, verbal, mental and emotional. I have also written articles and human rights dossiers detailing the extent of human rights abuses in Malaysia, both during my time in Malaysia and during my time in Britain.

Malaysia has draconian security laws, and every human rights organisation I have searched on the internet testifies to this. The most notorious of these laws, which is used to prosecute people who don't remotely have a case, is the Sedition Act 1948. In an era of the internet, globalisation, and increased awareness of human rights, it's hard to believe that sedition is really a thing. But it is... and it's scary. Say the wrong thing, and you could be tried -- and if you're let off, you'd perhaps be imprisoned without trial. This is what I face, and it scares me to death.

So anyone who is even slightly critical of the government could be done in under Malaysian law.

I am currently fighting an appeal against a decision from the Home Office, which I read and found severely lacking in research, and also failed to mention all the sources that I presented during the process so far.

Up till now, I had been so afraid of even mentioning it... because of the stigma, and because of the notion that if I ever said anything which was critical of the Malaysian government, I would be a traitor and a coward. I am tossing all that aside now, while writing this post.

In addition, the only immediate family I have left is my dad... who is still in Malaysia and heavens know where he is. Honestly, I don't know where he lives. The only communication I have with him is via e-mail, and that in itself is sporadic. Go to Human Rights Watch and you'll find a report or two of people of Indian descent being shot sporadically in the streets in Malaysia by the police, who subsequently make allegations that these people approached the police with machetes. There is a long-running stereotype that any leader of a gang is of Indian descent, and because they target the Malay majority and make it unsafe for them, there is now a "shoot first, talk later" policy. I am of Indian descent, and so is my dad..... he could be shot for going out one evening just for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. And, if I ever go back there, the same could happen to me. I am terrified.

I ask for your prayers and good thoughts, and anything you can muster. Thanks.

I will admit I am writing this while tired and weary, but it's about time all this was made known.

My first lyrics video and video game song cover in nearly two years. With the recent file loss I had, I am starting on a blank slate. I'm excited to share this with you all once it is done.

...but can't write code or use it to save my life. But: I can write music, and I have just installed Stencyl for myself, so that I can learn as well. If anyone would like to join me in making a project (ideally, someone who knows how to use the software and help me learn past the tutorials, and someone who has a good sense of rhythm somehow because I kinda feel that might be important), I will be grateful.

In other news, the worst has happened AGAIN. I have lost all my files again as a result of OS problems I had on this computer. Thanks, Windows.

And I hope you all love it.

This is only the teaser to it, and it's quite short -- but I did the music AND recorded the vocals for this teaser, all during the course of yesterday -- and I thoroughly enjoyed it. ^_^

In other news, editing this post because the NG Audio Portal Podcast episode 6 has just been released, and my Zelda cover, Chant de l'Éveil, is the last song on it! Ooooooo~ happy times.

My piece aside, I liked listening to the podcast -- nice interview with @deadlyfishes in it, and one thing that I especially took to heart was the fact that we ought to broaden our musical horizons, and not stay enclosed in one genre all the time.

As a continuation to my previous news post: The sketches that I have completed in 712 More Things to Draw have been uploaded to my art thread. Feel absolutely free to take a look!

I intend to continue finishing and scanning more. At any rate, hope you enjoy them!

Those of you who know of the book titled 712 More Things to Draw and similar books like it, I got that book, and I've decided to work on whatever little drawing ability I have. It's especially hard for me to think of picking up a pencil to sketch at a time like this, but I'm trying to pierce the wall.

But enough about me being sick, tired and lacking in inspiration.

Would any of you perhaps like to see the artwork that I have done so far? If yes, I will gladly post it in my art thread. It'd likely be a series of photos rather than scans, but we'll see.

In other news... Seán has put forward the idea of me giving out a free-of-charge demo CD to friends and whoever else out there. It'd involve a few samples of works I've done, to say nothing about everything else that I've recorded. Some are covers, some aren't. Anyway, here are some photos:

Front. Many of you will recognise the artwork (it's this one). Also, the triquetra symbol was edited from something I already drew on my bodhrán skin, so it may probably look familiar to you lot too.

Sidebar.

Tracklist at the back (attention @Phyrnna).

The whole cover design was a simple-ish job, but cutting everything out without a paper guillotine is hellish to say the least. And a few of our jewel cases broke. To top it all off, it'd especially give people a "demo CD" vibe when there's no sticky label on the CD proper. Quite literally, it's what came out of the box of CDs. All I did was scrawl on the CDs with a marker, that was it. Oh well. The most hellish bit was that Seán and I started this at about 2-something in the afternoon, and we had to get done for 6-something, because I had choir practice last night at church and we were hoping to give out some copies to my friends in the choir then. We weren't even sure if we were going to finish the first batch!

Well, the first batch is done. More batches may come soon.

All songs can be found on Newgrounds, with just about the same titles.

That's about it for now, I guess. Slow activity, progress, healing, etc. otherwise. I thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers and support, and I ask that it may keep coming.

Ta for now,

T.

Sorry to you folks who have not heard from me in a while; I have been sick. And travelling down south. And being sick while travelling is not fun. >_<

So quick updates:

1. I'd spent the last two days down in London and in my old home of Hatfield, Hertfordshire, because Seán and I had planned this trip well in advance and we'd already booked the tickets. And we both weren't well. Oh well, we did enjoy those two days, and it was good to see old friends again, but I need my rest. My body feels rather battered.
2. On the subject of old friends, one of my friends from Hatfield has passed away. Just writing my thoughts here, but in addition to praying for the repose of her soul, I would really like to pen a piece of music in her honour. I hope I do get to it...
3. I am considering remaking one of my previous tracks. Specifically, it is a cover, or a slew of covers all mixed into one. I am talking about Capriccio Bullet Heaven, a series of covers of @Phyrnna's works from Bullet Heaven.
4. I commentated on two Let's Play videos on behalf of the Kingdom Hearts Wiki, as a user on there. You can view said videos here and here. And..... yeah, I was certainly not at my best there, and still am not, to a great extent.
5. Otherwise, I've had a very slow artistic/musical period. I'm going through a phase where I feel the hope within me is fast getting extinguished. It's just... you know, the usual signs of a depressed artist: feeling useless, unable to touch hearts, feeling inadequate, facing a series of traumatic recalls of memories from my youth that have led me to the state that I'm in now, etc., etc., etc. I would very much appreciate your prayers and good thoughts.
6. The NG 20th Anniversary Collab should be beginning soonish, I think. The way I see it, audio should begin by mid-February, or early March. Get us about a month, or a month and a half (or two months tops) to do our bit. Then, we give what we have to our artist and animator friends, and they'll do their bit. For my part, I'll be glad to contribute actively to this thing, and perhaps be on a panel of organisers....... but I cannot do this thing alone. With sickness etc. getting in the way, I don't think it wise to do this alone.

So that's it from me for now. In case you're wondering why I'm relatively silent, this is what's been going on. It's a lot to take in, maybe, but I trust I'm not alone going through this stuff. My thoughts and prayers go out to those of you who are going through similar circumstances, and anyone else besides who asks for them.

Thing is, I recently was gifted a drawing tablet -- it's a Trust Flex -- and I'd like to make livestreams of my drawings in progress, whenever possible. And ideally, I'd like to keep it open source. Trouble is, the last time I installed screen capture software, I installed CamStudio several months ago.... that went to pot, because it just wouldn't run.

So. What do you lot recommend? I'd like to hear your thoughts. In the meantime, here's a picture from my art thread, just because:

In the meantime, some more music is coming. Just a month ago I mentioned that @frootza and I are engaging in a virtual bodhrán duel. I hope to be recording my part either today or within the next few days. Advent, Christmas and New Year just caught up with me, and I couldn't record my part sooner. So.... prepare yourselves for a primal drumming feast!

First off, I hope everyone has a cause to enjoy themselves this Christmas. I'm with you in spirit, regardless of whether you can or cannot enjoy yourselves this season. I would also like to warn you that this is a long post, and there is no TL;DR that I can attach here.

Vigil Mass was great; I sensed a deep awe and wonder at the birth of Christ. In addition to that, I'd been assigned to the bodhrán and the timpani... I'd been made general drummer. Coming from someone like me, those of you who know me well would perhaps know what this means. Those of you who don't: I am a complete animal on the drums. I show my passions so easily when playing percussion. It was beautiful, it was enjoyable, and it was my prayer.

It is still Christmastide, so I am still going to celebrate as much as I can.

As for those of you wondering what I got for Christmas: I have posted a few times on the forums as well as on some people's news posts stating the presents I have received thus far (i.e. opened on Christmas Eve, after the Vigil Mass. Technically, it's Christmas as soon as the Vigil Mass starts, whenever that may be). So far, they are as follows:

1. Two Chocolate Oranges (sorry, I already ate them between Christmas Eve and today...)
2. A box of chocolates (no, I didn't touch that one yet)
3. A box of shortbread (no, as much as I like shortbread, I didn't touch that one yet either)
4. A small bottle of vodka (no, I didn't touch that yet either...)
5. A vanilla-scented candle.
6. Some lovely-smelling bath salts.
7. A Raspberry Pi.
8. Full access to Versilian Studios' VSTi (thank you @Samulis!)
9. A 19-string Irish harp! (thank you Seán a.k.a. @IrishChieftain!)

I hear there is at least one more present in the pipeline, but I haven't had the opportunity to receive it yet. I'll see what it is in due time.

So, some photos for your enjoyment. Descriptions provided where necessary, of course:

The Raspberry Pi setting up. It's got four USB slots, an HDMI slot, micro SD and jack plug plus power. It's also got a network adaptor, so I can go online with it. I was so excited looking at this screen, I digested everything that appeared on screen. I got the Raspberry Pi so that I can learn how to code: the Pi is made specifically for that purpose, to encourage computer enthusiasts to code. Flash intimidates me (and is quite obsolete, let's be honest), and I need somewhere where I can start on.

The other reason why I want to code is..... well, this: some of you may remember me posting pictures and tracks for a certain bullet hell shooter in progress known as Project Chaplaincy. I was on the verge of abandoning it when I had tried to look for someone to collaborate with me on this, but everyone whom I approached just refused, and one person publicly ridiculed me. But Seán and @HalcyonicFalconX both encouraged me not to give up, in more ways than one. No programmers? Simple solution: I'm doing this on my own.

This is the actual computer. This is the actual size of it. Those are Seán's fingers. There is a plastic case for it. Yeah.... you can imagine how small this thing really is. Being a small thing, it's not going to be as high-end or as powerful as a gaming rig or a musician's computer. However, the functionality is equal to that of a budget netbook at least. And all of this for £27. Now, it's capable of running many operating systems (popular choices are Android and Linux, and some have even run it on Windows) -- but I've run it on Raspbian, the recommended OS for novice users of the Pi.

I'm quite happy with what I've seen thus far. Seán and I hope to learn this together.

The bath salts, tipple of vodka and chocolates. Mmm. I'm not about to indulge in them just yet, but I think they can come in very handy for some stressful situations in the future.

My harp. Upon seeing it @etherealwinds welcomed me to the proverbial club! ^_^ This is an instrument I have longed for, for quite a while. Seán had me completely in the dark, giving me clues, hints and misdirection. He'd confused me enough to think that 1) it wasn't a harp, 2) it was some sort of multi-coloured monstrosity. At present-opening time he held it out to me while my eyes were still closed... and there we go. I was just moved..... I didn't really know what to think. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry.

Like with my bodhrán, I have taken the liberty of giving this harp a name. It now goes by the name Síle (pronounced 'Sheila'; the Irish form of 'Cecilia').

There's a photo of me posing with it in the 'Show NG your instrument thread'; I'm not going to post it here but if you'd like to see me posing with it, kindly look it up in the search bar above.

I'm slowly turning Irish: I have bodhráns, a harp, a tin whistle... and I am slowly picking up an Irish accent off Seán... Only thing I can't change, of course, is how I look. Seán looks and is Irish; I don't think I have a hope in hell of ever coming anywhere close. Indians aren't known for red hair. Dark brown hair, maybe, but not pale, Elvish skin.

I mentioned in the gift-opening thread for this year's NG Audio Secret Santa that I'd put my thoughts down in this post. A lot can be said about this year's Audio Secret Santa. For those among you who do not know what it's all about, allow me to explain:

Imagine you are person A, and then there's person B, and person C. You make a present in the form of an original song for person C, person C makes a song for person B, and person B makes a song for you. It's all secret, you have no idea what it's going to be like..... until Christmas Day, when you get to open your present. Now imagine this, with far more participants.

For starters, @Stupor said that this is the first Audio Secret Santa to have had the attention it received -- a notice about it was posted on the front page. As such, many people turned up. By many, I mean 50+. This is a wonderful turnout. I find it beautiful: it encourages giving, it encourages composition. It encourages you to break out of your stupor (pardon the unintentional pun) of depression or whatever, and break the proverbial wall preventing you from honing your craft. If the piece you are meant to do is of a different genre to what you're used to, it promotes going out of your comfort zone, and allows you to learn something new. Each person can get a different lesson from the Audio Secret Santa, and this is what I enjoy thoroughly. I took part in last year's Audio Secret Santa, and I felt the same too.

Every event that we try and put together is going to have its problems, and I will list them down here. As a participant, this is what I observe:

1. Shirking participants. Stupor acknowledges that every year, there are going to be a number of people who put down what they would like to receive as a gift. But these same people don't make pieces in return (or forget to, etc.). Now there are genuine emergencies, or it can be that things overwhelm people. It is Christmastide, after all. Things do get terribly busy. This, I understand. But I know we'd really appreciate it if we know whether people are going to be able to make a piece, or whether they can't, or whether they're just going to be lazy and not do anything. Whatever our reasons, it's best to let us know -- not leave us hanging without an explanation.
2. Quality control. A number of us who are taking part are either seasoned musicians, or at least know a thing or two about making a decent piece. We have had at least one submission in our portfolio here on NG with a minimum score of 3.50/5.00. Unless someone has asked for us to make the worst piece possible for them this Christmas, we generally put in effort into making our gift. It's the thought that counts, yes, but thoughts come with effort. If you're giving a gift to someone, you don't make it half-hearted, do you? -- unless you have a great amount of spite for that person, in which case, I recommend, don't fecking give him a gift at all. I know many people here have toiled hard to make their pieces sound good, to their giftees' liking. Sadly, I can also hear when someone's put hardly any effort in.
3. Lack of feedback. I see many people who have received feedback on the songs they've made. I myself have tried to give feedback. But some of us haven't received any thoughts on whether our giftees liked our songs, or not. Maybe some of us might have received it through PM or Skype, in which case, great -- but some of us don't even know at all! I know I don't want to be pushy and all, but consider this: if someone's made you a gift from his heart, toiled hard to make it and deliver it to you on the date, and you act like you don't care (or you don't say anything), how is that person going to feel? One can always hope the giftee likes the gift, but one can never be so sure.

Well, these are my thoughts in a nutshell. I suppose I need to let the 12 days of Christmas pass before I give any final thoughts. Much of my reactions are ultimately going to depend on what the participants do, after all. Still, I just thought I'd throw it out there.

Right, that's it from me for now. This post has been long enough. Ta for now,

T.

This is my second (third?) post on Newgrounds written in anticipation of Christmas Day. Just because I can't tell if it's the second or third post, I'm just going to attach X2 onto the title. There are worrisome times and events all around, but I'm trying to keep strong -- and I'm really looking forward to this Christmastide.

I will soon be leaving for the Vigil Mass. It's something I anticipate each year, and I think it's the best part of Christmas altogether. This time, Seán is coming with me. It'll be our first Christmas as a couple. Tomorrow, I will be writing about a few things:

1. The Christmas Vigil Mass and subsequent events -- I'd like to share with others what it's like. In addition, I'm one of the musicians for said Mass -- one of two sopranos, as well as general percussionist.
2. My thoughts about this year's Audio Secret Santa -- since each participant will be receiving his gift tomorrow.
3. And, what many people look forward to -- the list of presents I will be receiving. Now, I am excited about this, but this is not what I'm most excited about. Word has come from Seán that one of these gifts is an instrument. He's given me a lot of clues and hints, using misdirection where he needed to... you see, he's confused me enough to make me believe that there's some sort of multi-coloured monstrosity waiting for me somewhere in the house. Because of the video meme When Mum Isn't Home, I had thoughts that the instrument waiting for me is a FRIDGE.

Anyway. Enough of my madness for now.

I wish everyone a happy and blessed Christmas!