This is the third time in two years that I have reported PC failure.

Just like the first PC that gave up the ghost on me, the last one I had -- the desktop I got from Seán -- had motherboard failure.

I hate that this happens to me with such frequency... as much as I am inclined to beat myself up for "breaking the last computer," I know it sure as hell wasn't my fault. I turned it on in front of Seán, Google Chrome was crashing, he asked me to turn on Internet Explorer, I turned it on, and then it just fizzled out.

We all know IE was a piece of twaddle, but come on, you've got to be kidding me.

I received this brand-new computer as a gift today. It's a considerable upgrade and downsize, if you look at it from different sides. Personally, I'm quite pleased, and simply grateful to have this.

I mean, when it comes to production and writing dossiers and stuff, I would need regular use of a PC. It was hard to find something that would be good for both, but here it is I guess.

It's a massive upgrade to the previous Acer Aspire I had (some of you audio folks might remember me talking about an 8-year-old Acer Aspire with broken screen hinges and missing keys). This is not that Acer Aspire. This one runs on Core i3, has 1TB hard drive storage, and 8GB RAM. And it's a reddish shade of purple, which I do like. *cue wallpapers of Megurine Luka simply because her colour is that*

So this post is a bit of a mixed bag. I kinda feel overwhelmed, grateful, pleased and frustrated at the same time.

There are at least two projects in the works for the end of this year.

First, I am one of many who signed up for the Audio Secret Santa 2015. I don't know whom I'll be writing music for, but I suppose, if it's something to drag me out of my depressive stupor and start composing, it's something to celebrate. I'm looking forward to this.

Second, and much closer to my heart, is a drum duel -- specifically, a bodhrán duel -- that I am doing along with @Frootza. Recording on this has already begun, and should hopefully finish soon. I must tell you all that from what I heard coming from his side, Frootza is a marvellous bodhrán player. Great sense of rhythm, and I am enjoying the idea of this duel already.

That's it for now, I guess.

Ta for now,

T. x

Guess what.

It's another blooming drum. Or rather...

...whatever this monstrosity is called. I've seen bongo drums in pairs; I have no idea what a set of three is called.

Seán and I were walking past the local market when he gave this excited shout of "Annette, look left: there are drums!" I looked and I thought I initially saw two pairs of bongos, presuming one was behind the other. Then we came up close and then we saw... well, this. It was going for £15, we needed a replacement for our bongos, and this was too good an offer to pass. We did give it a little test play before buying it -- it sounded lovely, but to be fair, it was a cold, wet, windy day, and this market was an outdoor market, so it wasn't a good benchmark for what its actual sound was.

We put this in a heated room just to let the skins dry out, and then I gave it a bit of a play. I can safely say that even when it's warm and dry, it sounds marvellous. I'd like to do a demonstration of sorts sometime, once it's restored, and if everything goes to plan, I might throw in the other percussions we have. Might. And if that goes to plan, I hope to push Seán's camera skills to the limit...

In other news, I'm slowly healing from that depressive period. I can't say I know how well I'm doing -- only that I am feeling and looking at things better than when I last wrote. I've been spending the last few days finishing off Jak & Daxter: The Precursor Legacy, but not up to 100%. If anyone has tips on how to get some of these elusive Power Cells, I'll be very grateful.

I'm now revisiting Final Fantasy X, a game known for its in-universe strawman dialogue. And awesome battles, awesome music, and RPG character stereotypes. Let the fun times roll!

The last piece of music I submitted on NG had a great show of apathy from many whom I hold in high regard and consider friends. I've also noticed that over the last few months, comments on my posts have greatly decreased.

I feel greatly disillusioned with my talents... no, let me rephrase that. At times I feel sick, tired, DONE with this, I feel as if I am throwing my music to a blooming brick wall! I am at the point of resolving never to compose or draw ever again. At times I have relented upon being given encouragement from those dear to me, but the hurt just comes back.

And I asked for prayers and/or good thoughts for my fiancé's mother, who has been diagnosed with cancer, in the last post, only to have no response on the matter.

I do not ask to be famous. I only ask to have support from my friends -- which, over these last few months, has been sorely lacking -- except for a few kind-hearted souls, you know who you are.

I accept that I bowed out of the Deathmatch fairly -- but some posters (some of whom I consider my friends) lavished a huge amount of praise on the opponents saying "Go and crush your competitor(s)!" I was crushed alright -- the day I got the results was also the day my fiancé's mother got her diagnosis.

Three weeks of sodding hard work and dedication, to be slapped on the face with precisely this? Safe to say, I don't believe hard work even brings reward anymore. In fact: I am now of the view that hard work is only going to get trampled on.

And in addition, I felt that some people on the contest threads were behaving like actual smug gits. Perhaps they didn't intend to, but to me, they came across as such. I mean no ill-will to anyone, and I will gladly reconcile -- but I do feel a great hurt, one that is unable to heal. I have prayed hard to be able to forgive people for the hurt they've caused, albeit unintentionally. Safe to say, I am not at my best right now.

I have been known to suffer with serious bouts of depression at times, and my fiancé says I have an artist's mentality, comparing me to Van Gogh and others (although, I wouldn't take the liberty of comparing myself to him, since he did great work and I, well, don't.) Seán keeps trying to encourage me -- at times he succeeds, and at times he has to wrench a knife or a pair of scissors out of my hands.

The reasons for these bouts are known to only a few; I feel unable to share them with the majority of people. My life is still very uncertain at this time.

If anyone cares anymore, then please pray or send good thoughts my way that this depression lifts.

@Krash17 has recently announced a new competition hosted by the Writers of Newgrounds. This competition is based on a prompt. All of you who are interested, kindly read either his post or my attempt at an abridged version of the rules below.

You must base your works on the universe provided in this prompt; entries not falling in this universe will not qualify. The whole point of this competition is that we are building a universe together. ^_^

You may write:

• a short story with an upper limit of 3,000 words, or
• a poem with an upper limit of 8 stanzas.

Your prompt is The Legend of the Moon Chants (and by extension, Tsukikanade). Now, since I am the author of both, I will not be taking part in this competition. I do, however, look forward to seeing what all of you can come up with. The Legend of the Moon Chants is the written work; Tsukikanade is the audio product, all meant to express the same thing, but I highly, highly recommend that you base it on The Legend of the Moon Chants, for the simple reason that much of the background story is there.

You have until 18 October to finish your piece and submit it.

There will be a $25 Amazon gift card for the best short story and the best poem.

If you'd like to submit your work, DO NOT SUBMIT IT TO ME. Instead, I recommend you post your work to the Dumping Grounds, and send a link to either Tremax or Krash17, the President or Vice-President of the WNG.

If you'd like to know more about the Writers of Newgrounds, or perhaps join us, you're most welcome to do so by following this link.

And if you're already a WNG member but need access to the guild Skype chats, kindly ask Tremax to add your name to the list.

All the best to you participants -- I look forward to reading what you will come up with.

In other news, things haven't been great. Seán's mother has recently been diagnosed with cancer. Two cancers, to be precise. We have been told that they are treatable with chemotherapy and operations. She will be commencing chemo on Friday. While this is certainly better than the alternative, we're all worried.

Prayers and good thoughts people wish to offer are very much appreciated. Seán and I offer our prayers in return.

For my part, I am in a musical dry spell (at the very least). All inspiration and musicality has left me ever since I got kicked out of the NGADM. Nothing is coming to me. I've tried to fill the void by drawing, but I don't know how long I can keep this up.

Seán has been ever so kind to me by ordering a canvas print of my most recent work, Sweet Regina!, to go on his wall. There have also been a few others who have comforted me and offered me pointers and encouragement of other kinds. Thank you.

Savo(u)ring the Start, the first ever anthology from the Writers of Newgrounds, has recently been released for Kindle!

This, as some of you may remember, is the one for which I drew the front cover. Because I knew of some supernatural, gothic and horror themes present in this piece of work, I decided to draw... well, that. Also, this work has some sweet original poetry and prose from Krash17, Tremax, Ama, LDAF, myself and a few others -- I trust you'll all appreciate it. ^_^

Proceeds from the sale of the anthology go towards funding competitions that the Guild will be holding in future, so any support is appreciated!

And for a number of others too. For my part, I lost to SoundChris.

I have not taken the result particularly placidly, but I'm going to try to now. @SoundChris, I still ought to congratulate you for coming up with the winning piece in such a short time. Keep up the good work.

On a related side note, I have noticed that many reviews towards A Night in the Attic have come rather late, many of them after the results of Round 2 of the Audio Deathmatch have been announced. And I will openly admit to having been so bewildered, as to think, where were you lot when I needed your support the most, when I felt I was being abandoned? or even, three weeks of hard work have amounted to absolutely nothing! -- but these are not good thoughts to have.

I have received, particularly in recent days, an outpouring of support for A Night in the Attic, and it's good to have it at this time. Thank you, regardless of whether your comments came "early" or "late" -- thank you so much. (Inverted commas because what else defines early or late? It's superficial to most of us.)

Apologies also to those whom I have inconvenienced during this time, and thanks for your encouragement. A few people do come to mind; I'm not naming anyone.

* * *

Just a few days before the Round 2 results I have received word that someone close to me has been afflicted with cancer. So these past few weeks haven't been great whatsoever, with my days largely revolving around the hospital.

My reviewing for the NG Audio Underdogs Contest (NGAUC) has therefore been massively delayed, and for this, I am very sorry. I have done three reviews out of seven thus far -- because @MetalRenard is a judge in the NGADM, I felt it improper to judge his submission when he would be judging mine. So someone else has taken my place for that one piece. I'm chipping away at the finalists' songs, one song at a time, and listening to each one on loop -- my thoughts on them have not changed much from when I scored them some weeks back, and now that I'm seated by the computer, I can take this time to put more detail into my thoughts.

Once I have finished reviewing, you may probably be seeing less of me...... we'll see what happens.

Ta for now,

T. x

Round 2 of the Newgrounds Audio Deathmatch ends on Monday, and I have just finished uploading my piece for this round.

It is called A Night in the Attic, and for it, I drew inspiration from Seán's workshop and attic. The working title of this piece, as I mentioned a few posts back, was Dusty Chests.

This piece has not only scared Seán out of his five wits -- it has also scared me, too, because while making this piece, I was so distressed or terrified after half an hour working on vocals, recordings or whatever else was needed. The sound effects that I threw in kinda didn't help the fear either. Is it safe to say that this is my darkest piece yet?...

Like with Oceans Wide, I felt for quite a while that there wasn't an end in sight, until Saturday/Sunday. All in all it was an experience -- one I don't think I'll forget in a while, and one I don't want to relive in a while, for fear of giving myself and other people nightmares.

I hope you enjoy the piece.... or otherwise, that the piece touches you in some way, shape or form. Happy listening!

* * *

With this out of the way, I'll be handling judging for the NGAUC as soon as I am able. My body is tired and my spirit is weary. Today's been a long day.

When I started posting music online altogether in 2010, all I had was Audacity and a phone mic -- which, at the time, recorded in really horrible-sounding .3gp files. I didn't understand the need for a studio, or even the idea of making music the way I do now.

When I started posting music on Newgrounds in 2011, I had nothing but a laptop and an integrated PC mic. I also had the demo version of FL Studio, only for it to become the Signature Bundle by the grace of a friend.

I remember posting this picture in early 2013 when I had a few more belongings to my name, notably a bodhrán and a set of bells.

I was still browsing the "Show NG your instrument" thread and I decided to share what I had -- and I couldn't deny that it felt like so little. Regardless, this was a time when songs like Terre des Hommes Libres and Journey to Stonyhurst were churned out, and it proved to be a bit of an uplift compared to what I previously had.

Someone did tell me on the forums that he trusted that as time passed I would have access to better instruments and gear in general, and be able to churn out better stuff. I didn't see how it would happen, nor did I imagine it happening, but I trusted it would. In the interim, I tried to make do with what little I had.

Somewhere along the line the HP in the picture above gave up the ghost, and I wound up with a rickety, eight-year-old Acer laptop with missing keys, broken screen hinges and a Celeron processor. It was, quite literally, falling apart. But from it came Sleep Wrapped in Love and Chant de l'Éveil -- the latter was my audition for this year's Newgrounds Audio Deatmhatch (NGADM). While I am glad the song got attention for having improved production quality compared to works from previous years, I still look back and wonder how on earth I ever actually had the patience to finish it.

A year and a half later (since the picture above)...

With help from people here and there -- my friends, and most especially my fiancé, I have now progressed to this. Much of the description of my hardware can be found here.

Again, I never imagined that I would come to this stage. It happened, bit by bit, with a lot of help from friends along the way.

I really want to thank every single one of my friends who has helped me get to this point, be it in getting hardware or software, or teaching me mixing tips, or giving me recommendations for certain types of configurations, etc., etc. (you know who you are). Some of them may perhaps never read this.

This post is for all of you musicians who are starting out, or who have been doing your craft for a long time but feel you have been stagnating in some way, shape or form.

A lot of us don't start out with a full array of gear. Even with an old, dilapidated computer, you can do great things. Still, there may be times where you feel small and/or intimidated, or even wondering how you may get from point A to point B in your musical journey. But trust in your friends, and trust in God -- in the right time, and with the help of Providence and your friends, things do improve, and you can reach greater heights. There is hope for every musician, and I mean every musician.

* * *

The NGADM Round 2 piece is coming along okay, and is now at its final length. I have recording, instrument layering and mixing left to do. The structure of it is done. I am also writing an accompanying story for this piece, for those among you who would like to read something while the piece is playing. We have till this coming Monday, and I've got to chip at it where I can.

Once again, all the best to everyone taking part.

I also extend my best wishes to those who are taking part in the final round of the NG Audio Underdogs Contest (NGAUC). You have done well to come this far, and I look forward to listening and judging when it is time for me to do so.

The results of Round 1 of the Newgrounds Audio Deathmatch were announced at night-time last night.

By my time it was Tuesday, early in the morning. I slept for a good few hours, only to be shaken from a deep sleep by Seán at around 2:00 a.m., to be told that I made it through. I was relieved. And I couldn't contain my excitement after that, that I only went back to bed at around 3:00...

Incidentally, I also noticed that Oceans Wide made it to Featured Audio on the bottom of the page for a time, which caused a spike in the listens and downloads. I cannot say how or why it came there, but I'm pleased. At this point I don't know where to begin and sometimes whom to thank, so thanks for everything, you know who you are. For the listens, for the reviews, for the downloads, for the company (especially during that agonising wait), for well... everything.

* * *

Round 2 has me pitted against SoundChris + Hitokirito. According to SoundChris, only one of them is doing the composing for this round. Predicting which one is half the battle won.

Some of you may be wondering what I'm working on. All I can say is that I have a codename for this project, and it's called Dusty Chests. It may turn out to be something else entirely -- who knows?

Before I end this post: hearty congrats to those who made it through, and hearty congrats all round to those who did something for Round 1 -- I raise my glass to you brave and talented men! (I think it safe to say so anyway...)

IT'S DONE.

I started on Tuesday the 5th and ended today, the 16th -- with a few breaks in between, due to tiredness, tight chests, and Windows 8 being a general pain in the rear. On the Audio Forums I mentioned that Windows 8 gave me THREE BLOOMING BSODS IN ONE HOUR when I was running FL Studio. In addition, there are MIDI controller problems when I run FL on Windows 8 -- so I did this piece in a rather flustered manner, with two operating system changes in between: Windows 7 to Windows 8, and back to Windows 7.

But all of that would probably go over your head by now, so I leave you with this.

My Round 1 submission is called Oceans Wide. I hope you all enjoy it.

All the best to everyone taking part. Now I know the deadline is tomorrow, so between this evening and tomorrow I expect a lot of people will be posting submissions. In fact, at the time of writing, only two of us in Group O (myself included) have posted submissions. I look forward to hearing whatever comes up. Now with regards to my own song..... I did my best with the composition and mixing. Seán was not only patient in having me use his computer, but also told me that once a piece is done, it's best to leave it as done. I could go tweaking it for eternity and never be satisfied, and since for all intents and purposes the deadline is tomorrow, I'd best not do it.

--------------------------------

NGADM aside, with Seán's help, I've started a bit of a gamer's collection. Not much, but it's a start, I suppose.

There are games in all these platforms that I enjoy, and it took Seán and me a few months, but it's coming along quite nicely. At the time these photos were taken I was playing Kingdom Hearts II, in anticipation for Kingdom Hearts II.5, which is coming out in Europe this December. These photos, that you see above, are top-middle-bottom shots of a storage solution... in my bedroom. I'm slowly turning into a geek. (In Seán's room you would instead find loads and loads of books, and tall bookcases to go with them.)

The PlayStation 3 came bundled together with my phone, and over time, Seán bought the Super Nintendo, PlayStation 1 and PlayStation 2 for the nostalgia. The PlayStation Portable was gifted to me by a friend from my university chaplaincy, and the Game Boy Colour and Game Boy Advance were passed on to me by a friend of a friend, cleaned and put back to good use.

To read about how this collection came together, here's the Tumblr post on it.

Seán isn't much of a console gamer; his preferred platform is the PC, so while I content myself with the titles I have in the photos, he plays vintage games, or remakes thereof. Oh, and the occasional Star Trek game. On occasion Seán and I try to compete with each other playing Super Mario Bros., but that's about the only multiplayer title you'll find in my room. If there's anything we want to play together otherwise, we take turns. Or if it involves Kingdom Hearts or anything similar, Seán just... watches me play and asks me many questions (as any observer to a game would). I do enjoy it. ^_^

Now, I am going to take my week-long break from making music, because like others, I am going to need it.